By Yetunde Arebi

Hi

As part of our sex and sexuality education, we will be examining the kissing and its major variants. The importance of kissing cannot be overemphasised as it is the first step in love and sexual communication between lovers.

Hope you remember that we have once discussed the importance of kissing and how to be a great kisser on this column.

In this edition, we will be examining the various types of intimate kisses and how you can up your game with them. Kissing is one of the universal acts of showing love. Almost everyone receives or gives a kiss at some point in their life.

Kissing started early in man’s evolution. Even Chimpanzees kiss after a fight. Scientists are not quite sure why we kiss, only that kissing may be an instinctual action depicting love and affection. It could also be the result of learned behaviour.

One theory is that kissing between opposite sex, helps us sniff out desired qualities in a mate. When we smell the person we kiss, our pheromones communicate and exchange information. Although you may not think about the biology behind a kiss, kissing has a lot to do with igniting the hormonal chemicals in the body. This produces a lot of electricity between you and the person you are about to kiss.

The lips are one of the most sensitive parts of your body. Each lip has many touch receptors and these create electrical signals that travel to your brain, releasing chemicals and causing that “feel-good” feeling to occur. Because these receptors are crowded together in a very small place as the lips, even the lightest touch registers.

For real, kissing has its own language. Kissing someone provokes a series of different reactions and allows us to express many emotions. A kiss can also be a mysterious thing.    Signals that are transmitted through your kiss can sometimes be confusing, especially on first meeting and early relationship in general.

So, a kisser must really know the ropes to get the right signal intended. Kisses reveal much about the intentions of your partner as well as indicate his/her physical reaction and acceptance to your proposal. With just a simple kiss, you may discover what your partner wants to communicate with you, turning that simple act into a means of fulfilling your desires, or an indication that you have to take to your heels.

Kisses are subject to a wide variety of circumstances, but certain types of kisses imply different things.  Not all of kisses are acts of love and passion but it is interesting to note the spectrum of emotional sensation that results from this one mode of expression.  There are many types of kisses and I have listed a couple of them here to help in your discovery journey. Due to space constraints, we will take this in two parts.

French kiss

The French kiss is generally considered to be the most universally popular romantic kiss. It is the king of kisses. A kiss is French when it involves an opened mouth where one partner’s tongue touches or caresses the other partner’s. This is why it is also known as tongue kissing. Surprisingly, the French call this the English kiss. It is also called the Soul kiss because the life and soul are presumed to pass through the mouth’s breath in the exchange across tongues.

A good French kiss is often considered as intimate as sex itself. In fact, where it is done correctly, you may just hit the gold pot even if it was not on the agenda before. Though very popular, tongue kissing is very tricky and complicated such that if care is not taken might be a turn off for a partner.

However, the best part of this kiss is that it lends itself well to all sorts of variations ranging from a lighter version with just a hint of the tongue to a more aggressive kind where your tongues seemed to be stuck together. You can start out with a firm kiss on the other person’s lips and then use your tongue to gently nudge open their mouth.

Follow with a tender exploration of the inside of their mouth and when things get going, lock your tongue with your partner’s and get ready to put forth all your passion. Because of the importance of the French kiss to both of you, you need to go slow and gentle in order to carry your partner along.

There are various elements you can introduce into a French kiss to spice it up. The standard French kiss is where the couple moves their open lips against each other with some tongue interplay. It is slow, sweet, hot and passionate and really gets the hormones racing. It is a subtle way of saying, “I would like to sleep with you”. Then, there is the Tongue Tango where the tips of the tongue push off at each other and twist around like in a Ballet dance.

This kiss is for those who think outside of the box in and out of bed. You may occasionally gently suck on the tongue too. Remember that this is a very wet kiss, so try to control your saliva by stopping every once in a while to take in breath and swallow your own saliva to avoid drooling on your partner.

For those who can stand a little pain with their pleasure, a little bite on the tongue or lips might not be out of place. As you pull back for air or saliva control, grab your partner’s tongue or lower lip with your teeth for just a second. Note how they respond before you try it again as it is quite painful. When done properly, this kiss can ignite wonderful sensations.

Partners who are really in tune with each other may take the French kiss a notch higher by whispering or talking. Some call this the talking, whispering or secret message kiss. While kissing with open mouth, whisper something nice and sexy into your partner’s mouth or better still use your tongue to outline the words into his/her mouth. It can be quite funny and sexy.

As I earlier mentioned, the French kiss can be quite tricky and turn out a disaster if care is not taken. Never ram your whole tongue in your partner’s mouth, half way is the decent thing to do. You don’t want to choke anyone, you want to love them. Don’t use your tongue to carry out an investigation or inspection of your partner’s mouth, you are not the Police. Your tongue is also not a mop to clean out the debris from their meal, nor is it your place to count how many teeth are left of their dentition. Leave that to the Dentist, please.Remember that the French kiss is the most intimate of all kisses, involving    the mouth and sometimes body, so a clean, fresh breath and body odour is a must.

Now, let us look at some less intense kisses. A kiss can be placed on any part of the body and these kisses oftentimes have their own meaning and can help us put a relationship into proper perception. For the purpose of this article, we will stick to the intimate kisses only:

Butterfly kiss:

For this kiss, you need to get up real close to your partner. Hold your face only a breath away from that of your partner so that the tips of your eyelashes are touching theirs. Then blink rapidly so your eyelashes flutter together much like butterfly wings.

For some variety you can also use your fluttering eyelashes to caress the other person’s forehead or down the cheek. Though it does not involve the mouth, it is a great kiss to convey tender love for your partner, and fun too. And with all the fake eyelashes making the rounds these days, this should be quite easy.

Vampire Kiss:

Sometimes, a passionate kiss may go a step further and you suddenly want to use your teeth to bite and nibble at your partners lips and other areas. When such a kiss is applied to the neck, it is called a vampire kiss. Since some people might find it painful rather than sexy, you need to go slow and gentle, or simply ask if you can use your teeth. Better safe than sorry, the saying goes. Start with a French kiss and ensure you are really into the groove before going for this kiss.

Hickey

Technically, a hickey is not a kiss. It is evidence that you have been kissed. And deeply too. It is a bruise or mark on the skin as a result of a hard suck or pull on the skin while kissing. Some people may find a hickey uncomfortable or even painful while the pressure exerted by one may seem delicious to some lovers in the heat of passion, especially on the side of the neck.

Some people think of it as a love bite, or to leave their personal mark or stamp on a lover, a way of saying “I’ve been there”.

No matter the reason it is given, it will sure take a while for the receiver to get it cleared up. Because it is often done in the heat of passion, many hardly know they have been given a hickey until they wake up in the morning to the marks. Your reaction to realising this will be greatly determined by your feeling towards the giver.

A hickey might be embarrassing especially when they are in conspicuous places like the lips, neck and chest or breasts and are visible to the eyes. So, before you feel like making a love impression on your partner, make sure they are OK with it.

Let’s do this again next Saturday. Do have a wonderful weekend!!