DearBunmi,

My husband and I agreed on having four children, so when I got pregnant with our fourth child early this year, we were excited. However, a few weeks into the pregnancy, I felt a lump in my breast. I had a biopsy and when the result came out, it was the worst news. I had cancer and needed aggressive treatment. I was told I had to make a choice between my baby’s life and mine.

My husband and I agonised over the decision, as we have strong religious beliefs and didn’t support abortion. In the end, my pregnancy was terminated and I began the treatment.

I am now in remission, but I still feel a lot of guilt, even though I know I did the right thing.

Joy bye-mail.

Dear Joy,

You need to think more of what would have happened to you if you had gone ahead with the pregnancy. As your doctors warned, you might lose your life and who knows if the pregnancy would survive the disease! If you died, your husband and three kids would be left without a caring wife and mother.

Admittedly, deciding not to go ahead with the pregnancy was the hardest decision you’d ever have to make. But with time, you’ll get over it. In the meantime, you have to be the best wife and mother you could. Take a moment to look at your children and be thankful to the baby that never was, for allowing you to be a loving mum to them.

You didn’t have much of a choice anyway. You love the children you already have; their well-being should be the reassurance you need.