By Pastor Okokon Ating

EX ISSUE OR THIRD PARTY SYNDROME

According to Genesis 2:24 it is written: “Therefore shall a man leave his father and mother and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh”. Take note of the word”…They shall be one flesh”.

Wedding rings worn during marriage

From the beginning of marriage institution, God has made it to be for one man and a woman.

Any third party coming in is a stranger who could spoil and separate the binding couple into segments. In Genesis 3, the intrusion of the third party brought in disaster to the family life of Adam and Eve. Though not separated, Darkness and confusion of life was the order of the day.

Newly married couples have many things to part with. Apart from separat-ing from the former family which each of them came from, they need to also separate from old boy and girl friends whom they had relationship with before marriage, though the memory lingers and it is not easy to forget, may be because of one’s positive lifestyle lived before, it is very necessary that one should forget such memory. There are some couples who sometimes, when there is little misunderstanding will remember the “old path-way”.

Some would do compar-ison between the old and the new experiences. This is a good yardstick for Satan to bring confusion into the life of the married couple.

Therefore I suggest that if they want their marriage to be sustained, let them forget about the Third Party Syndrome and Ex-matters.

This obviously can stir up jealousy, whether in the man or the woman. Their relationship with ‘’ex’’ issues should not be too close. There should be limit in all their discussion with the ex-friends. Such reunion does lead to death, evil of any type, and broken marriage.

I want to advise that in order to avoid future doubt from intended partners before contracting the marriage, the truth should be revealed to each other concerning their former deal with their ex-boy or girl friend, each should detach himself or herself from such while they continue to be honest to their new found love.

It is better to keep your marriage intact than to have affairs outside that would bring sorrow and regret at home. And finally we have the last point as:

ILLEGITIMATE RELATIONSHIP THAT PRODUCED A CHILD BEFORE MARRIAGE

This issue may not be common but it is a fact well established that there are many men and women who through their former rough and ignorant living had a child or children before they settled down for marriage.

If this is the experience of the couple, the issue is very simple to settle. For some woman who might have fallen into this ignorantly, it is good they reveal this truth to the new suitor before marriage.

Otherwise it can bring disaster in the home after the wedding if the new husband gets to know the secret later.

When I was a teenager, it happened that I came in contact with a man who rejected his newly wedded wife on the ground that he did not know that the lady had a child for somebody else before she married him.

Such issues should be brought to the table and agreement reached before marriage is contracted.

There are people who find it very difficult to father or mother other people’s blood in the name of adopted child.

As it is to a man, so it is to a woman. I advise anybody with such experience to open up to his or her partner and to consider that there will be separation of interest should there be a dislike from either the man or woman who is the adopted parent.

Again, if the woman knows the father of the child, she should endeavour to hand over the child to the biological father before involving in the new marriage covenant with someone else.

If the biological father of the child is deceased or refused total responsibility of the child, let the mother find a domiciliary home or an orphanage where the child could be cared for.

If he or she does not do so, then his or her newly found marriage opportunity stands the risk of collapse at any time.

The reason is that, a time would come when there could be a dislike or a personal interest, especially, if the adopted child lives waywardly.

It is preferable to preserve the marriage than fathering or mothering a child that would bring regret and sorrow to the union. There should also be a mutual agreement between them if the child is to live with them.

Conclusively, unrevealed truth in marriage is not good for Christians gen-erally; if you have the fear of God then you should do the right thing at the right time.