By Femi Aribisala

SIX times at the beginning of creation, God surveyed his works and declared it was good. But after he created man, his positive assessment went up another notch: “Then God saw everything that he had made, and indeed it was very good.” (Genesis 1:31).

But soon thereafter, there emerged a seeming contradiction: “The Lord God said, “It is not good that man should be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” (Genesis 2:18).

How did something he said was “very good” suddenly become “not good?” Did God suddenly realise as an afterthought that it is not good for man to be alone? If it is not good for man to be alone, why did God create man alone? Why was Eve not created from the beginning? Did God make a mistake?

God is omnipotent, nevertheless, we all know there are many things he cannot make. One of them is a mistake. So why was Eve not created separate from Adam from the beginning? Did God only realise it much later that Adam needed a wife?

The truth is that the man Adam was not supposed to have a wife. Adam was created as part and parcel of a family already in existent; the family of God. God was with man, so man was not alone.  Adam was supposed to be single but married to God. All the companionship Adam required was supposed to come from God, the intended “husband” of Adam: “For your maker is your husband; the LORD of hosts is his name.” (Isaiah 54:5).

Heavenly pattern

Jesus taught us to pray to God: “Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven.” (Matthew 6:10). The original or blueprint of everything is in heaven. The copies and the counterfeits are on earth. According to Jesus, the will of God is that everything on earth should be done according to the pattern in heaven.

The writer of Hebrews says: “This is why Moses was warned when he was about to build the tabernacle: ‘See to it that you make everything according to the pattern shown you on the mountain.’” (Hebrews 8:5).

In the kingdom of God, sons of God neither marry nor are they given in marriage. When asked whose wife a woman who had seven husbands on earth would be in heaven, Jesus says: “Marriage is for people here on earth, but when those who are counted worthy of being raised from the dead get to heaven, they do not marry.” (Luke 20:34-35).

Not God’s will

Human marriage is not the original will of God. When God created man, what he envisaged is a marriage between God and man. Therefore, the man he created was man and woman together in one body. The will of God is for all men (men and women) to be married to his son, Jesus. Jesus himself acknowledges this He says: “The kingdom of heaven is like a king who prepared a wedding banquet for his son.” (Matthew 22:2)

God says in Hosea: “I will betroth you to me forever; I will betroth you in righteousness and justice, in love and compassion.” (Hosea 2:19). Paul says to believers: “I promised you to one husband, to Christ, so that I might present you as a pure virgin to him.” (2 Corinthians 11:2).

Jesus is the bridegroom espoused to a bride. He acknowledges this himself. When the disciples of John the Baptist came to him to ask why his disciples did not fast habitually, Jesus answered: “How can the guests of the bridegroom mourn while he is with them? The time will come when the bridegroom will be taken from them; then they will fast.” (Matthew 9:15).

Therefore, Jesus’ doctrine expresses his jealousy. He berates the Jews as: “A wicked and adulterous generation.” (Matthew 12:39). Jesus shows little regard for natural and earthly relationships. At every opportunity, he asserts the saliency of the spiritual relationship. He says: “That which is born of the flesh is flesh, and that which is born of the Spirit is spirit.” (John 3:6).

In Jesus’ doctrine, relationships should be based on the spiritual connection. When told that his mother and brothers were looking for him, he asked: “‘Who is my mother and who are my brothers?’ And he stretched out his hand toward his disciples and said, ‘Here are my mother and my brothers! For whoever does the will of my Father in heaven is my brother and sister and mother.’” (Matthew 12:48-50).

For Jesus, obedience is thicker than blood. As a matter of fact, he says: “If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters—yes, even his own life—he cannot be my disciple.” (Luke 14:26).

Single but married

In effect, the popular Christian notion that when God said: “It is not good for man to be alone,” he was talking about man’s need for a wife is highly mistaken. Man does not need a wife. What man needs is God and God alone. When God said: “It is not good for man to be alone,” he was not talking to male man. He was talking to Adam, who at this time was a human hermaphrodite: he was male and female combined.

Moses says: “God created man in his own image; in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them.” (Genesis 1:27-28). “When God created man, he made him in the likeness of God. He created them male and female and blessed them. And when they were created, he called them ‘man.’” (Genesis 5:1-2).

Thus, Pope John Paul 2 said: “When God-Yahweh speaks the words about solitude, it is in reference to the solitude of “man” as such, and not just to that of the male.” Adam’s solitude or loneliness was not caused by lack of woman. It was caused by his carnality. Like Israel who rejected God and insisted on having a king, Adam sought companionship in flesh and not in spirit. He desired someone that is bone of his bones and flesh of his flesh. (Genesis 2:23).

Adam did not understand that he who is with God is not alone and should not feel alone. Indeed, he who has God has a friend that sticks closer than a brother. (Proverbs 18:24). The everlasting promise of God to man is: “I will never leave you nor forsake you.” (Joshua 1:5). Jesus repeats this. He says to his disciples on his resurrection: “Surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.” (Matthew 28:20).

God is man’s first love. God is our husband. As long as we have God, we are not alone. Jeremiah says: “‘Return, faithless people,’ declares the Lord, ‘for I am your husband.’” (Jeremiah 3:14). Isaiah says: “As a bridegroom rejoices over his bride, so will your God rejoice over you.” (Isaiah 62:5).

Man does not find completion in woman or in marriage. Neither does woman find completion in man. But “we are complete in him, (Jesus Christ) who is the head of all principality and power.” (Colossians 2:10). The reason is simple: “Christ is all, and is in all.” (Colossians 3:11).


ONE of the worst things that can happen to you is to get married to someone seeking fulfilment in marriage. So many people have been brainwashed with the notion that they are incomplete without a husband or a wife. Such people live a life of turmoil when they are single because they are literally dying to get married. Then they live a life of frustration when they are married, because their marriage partner cannot possibly fulfil their expectations.

However, it is God, and not marriage, that provides fulfilment. The psalmist says: “As the deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you, O God.” (Psalm 42:1). This is not just the predicament of the psalmist, it is the predicament of everyman whether we realise or appreciate it or not. “(God) has put a sense of eternity in people’s minds.” (Ecclesiastes 3:11). “He doesn’t play hide-and-seek with us. He’s not remote; he’s near. We live and move in him, can’t get away from him!” (Acts 17:27-28).

No man or woman can provide what God provides. God, and God alone, can fulfil all the relational needs in our lives. So if we seek completeness in anyone, or even anything, outside of God, we are bound to be frustrated. If a man or a woman can provide for us what is the sole prerogative of God, then we would no longer need God. However, God has ensured that no man can replace God in the lives of men.

Falling in love

Christians fall in love, then get married. But our love for our wives or our husbands does not exclude fighting and abusing them. Our love does not exclude beating them up. We pledge for better, for worse; but when things go south we opt for divorce. The problem is that our love is not true love. The love we know and profess is counterfeit: it is not the love of God.

God is love. Therefore, we cannot love unless we know the God who is love. We cannot truly love unless we understand and internalise the love of God. But even many of those of us who know the scriptures don’t know the God of the scriptures.

God must be our first love. It is only from the centre of the love of God that we can negotiate any other love. Before a man can truly love his wife, he has to love God first. Ditto for a wife vis-à-vis her husband. It is from the love that he or she has for God that he or she can then love others. That way, we will love our partners with the genuine love of God and not with the selfish love of men.

Woman at Jacob’s well

A Samaritan woman comes to get water from Jacob’s well, only to find a strange Jewish man (Jesus) sitting there. Even though Jews don’t socialise with Samaritans, and Jewish men don’t talk to women outside of their relatives, Jesus asks her for a drink.

But wait a minute. This is the same well where Abraham’s servant found Rebecca as wife for Isaac. This is the same well where Jacob met his wife Rachel. Therefore, there is surely more to this incident than meets the eye. Close scrutiny indicates Jesus is sending a message here that should not be lost in posterity. Here is Jesus, the bridegroom, sitting by a very special well, waiting to meet his bride.

When he sees her, he makes a request often replicated in wedding engagement ceremonies: the bride is required to give a drink to her groom. The Samaritan woman is clearly baffled by this strange request for a drink by a Jewish man. “Do I know you? Are you talking to me? What have I to do with you? Can’t you get your own bucket? Can’t you draw your own water? How dare you ask me for water to drink?”

Jesus then confounds her all the more. He says to her: “Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again, but whoever drinks the water I give him will never thirst. Indeed, the water I give him will become in him a spring of water welling up to eternal life.” (John 4:13-14).

When the woman opts for this strange “living water,” Jesus then turns the tables on her by telling her to go and call her husband. The woman replies that she has no husband. Jesus then discloses to her, even though he has never met her before, that she has actually had five husbands, and that the man she is now living with is not even her husband.

Who is the true husband of this Samaritan woman? The answer is simple. Jesus is her true husband. This woman has been seeking in husbands what only Jesus can provide. She has been drinking at the well, but the more she drank, the thirstier she became. Her soul thirsted for God, for the living God. But in her lack of understanding, she has been going from well to well, and from husband to husband.

Only Jesus has the fountain of the water of life. He or she who is married to Jesus, out of his or her belly shall flow rivers of living water. Jesus’ living water perpetually cheers the soul. It does this for better for worse; for richer for poorer; in sickness and in health; in life and in death.

Who are you

Find yourself, before you find your marriage partner. Locate yourself in Christ, before you find yourself a husband or a wife. That way, you bring something to the relationship. Don’t come into a relationship with a shopping list of what you hope to get. Come into a relationship with a clear understanding of what you have to give by the grace of God.

Only Christ can give you your true sense of self-worth. If God can give his only beloved Son for your salvation, then you must be very valuable indeed. Only Christ can meet a Simon and reveal to him that he is actually Peter. Only Christ can meet a despondent Gideon and know that he is a mighty man of valour. Only Christ can meet a Nathaniel and recognise that he is an Israelite indeed.

Therefore, discover yourself first in Christ. Don’t come hoping to discover yourself in your husband, or in your wife. Are you born again? Have you given your life to Jesus? Has it been revealed to you that Jesus is the Son of God? Then you are Peter. And upon the revelation you have received of who Christ is, and who you are in him, Jesus will build your marriage. On that rock he will build your relationships. On that rock he will build your home. And the gates of hell shall not prevail against it.

It is not good for man to be alone. Make God your fist love. Love God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength. (Mark 12:30). Don’t get married unless you are first married to Christ. Don’t get married to anyone who is not married to Christ. Don’t be in any relationship that does not have Christ at its centre.



Comments expressed here do not reflect the opinions of vanguard newspapers or any employee thereof.