By Ugoji Egbujo

A couple of weeks ago the EFCC stormed a small house in a slum in Kaduna. In that nondescript house was a beautiful safe. The safe contained more cash than all commercial banks’ vaults in Kaduna put together: over nine million US dollars in crisp notes. A former managing director of the NNPC was fingered as the owner of the money. We started batting our eyelids of cynicism. The NNPC may be a cesspit of corruption, but we have become so cynical we believe nothing. Those who didn’t believe Chibok, came back with their ingenuity.

The dollars were counterfeit notes, they mocked. This new drama, they scoffed, was a ruse to divert public attention from the president’s ‘death.’ What we make of anything these days depends on which camp we identify with. Our dithering and bickering unfortunately always leave suspects emboldened. But there was a weak consensus around the idea that the suspect would deny ownership of the money. Perhaps we assumed shame still mattered. But that would have been smart, prudent. The money has no real chance of escaping forfeiture. Such sums are patently inexplicable except in the hands of businessmen. But the suspect emerged and didn’t deny the cash.

He didn’t just own it. He tried explaining its source: He has many friends and they give him lots of gifts. Even some ardent Buhari opponents who were on the verge of singing hymns of persecution had to pause to raise eyebrows. Then they detoured into the claim that were it not for former President Jonathan, and his true fight against corruption, who sacked that suspect apple from the NNPC, it could have been much worse. The contest for glory can be ruthless. Orphaned but not deterred, and of course still innocent, the oil technocrat found the righteousness indignation to question the insolence of a meddlesome EFCC. He asked a court to quash a temporary forfeiture order in the enforcement of his fundamental human right to own million dollars and stash them in a pit latrine in Ajegunle, if he chooses.

A friend once told me that what bothers him about open defecation on Lagos highways isn’t the obscenity and potential health hazards but the boldness of the perpetrators who fix their gazes on passersby and subdue them, get them to cringe. The easy obliviousness to shame that in the face of such abominable act questions society’s values and boundaries of propriety. Some months ago, one bright afternoon, the traffic on Awolowo road, Ikoyi, fell into chaos. The driver of a commercial bus jumped down his bus, let loose his fly and his bladder, right in the middle of the road. The stream of urine ran under cars towards Falomo. The startled occupants of the car behind him bent their heads in embarrassment while the passengers in his bus looked on, unperturbed.

A few months before then, huge sums running into many billions of naira were found in accounts supposedly owned by some lucky cooks and stewards. The EFCC secured a temporary forfeiture order. And we thought that those behind the curtain would just walk away and save everyone another round of putrid gossip since they would probably have so much more with gatemen and shoe makers. But they didn’t. Driven by greed or arrogance or a toxic mixture of both, they came publicly with frowned faces, to announce that the cooks were truly their fronts. In broad daylight! Those in their political bus looked on, unperturbed, while others wondered with their hisses how our leaders lose their humanity.

My father told me armed robbers in the early 70’s used masks even at night. That era is definitely ancient history now. Our ‘Mother of the Nation’ approached the courts to lift the forfeiture order because according to her the money belonged to her and she found the games the EFCC was playing a bit rude. “They should come and arrest me,” she taunted. She asked the court to award her hundreds of millions of naira in damages occasioned by EFCC’s impudence. The EFCC, embarrassed but obviously inhibited—hands tied, looked away while muttering disbelief to confused spectators. Before anyone could ask how the former permanent secretary legitimately earned such ungodly sums, she told us she had many friends. And her friends have legendary gift giving expertise. We will believe, she is still innocent.

The similarity between these two cases isn’t just that the sums involved are ludicrous or that the two persons involved were prominent figures of the past regime which is being ‘singled out for victimization.’ But they seem to have same formula for wealth creation. They are children of the poor who came by many rich friends and came by billions of naira in gifts. But there is more. These stupendous gifts were kept, hidden, in poor vessels. The madam with all her rich friends and relatives chose cooks and stewards as palm fronds to cover the pit she dug for her billions. The esteemed oil technocrat with many billionaire friends, who live in posh houses, chose a slum in Kaduna to bury his gifts. One day they will demand praise from us for identifying with the poor. And the argument would be that after all elitist and unpatriotic others keep their hard earned wealth in Swiss bank.

The unabashed public defecators in Lagos stare us into confusion, shame and silence. And prevent us from asking them why they can’t hide. The ones hiding billions like rats are possessed of such puzzling effrontery, they leave us befuddled. They confront us with conspicuous righteous indignation and we almost forget to ask them why they have to camouflage and conceal these gifts. Sectionalism will leave us bickering, and they will appropriate pseudo legitimacy.

When we see lack of contrition in the face of one who has broken a taboo we must react effusively. If we hesitate, pause to wonder, become sentimental, we send the message that the taboo is negotiable. And the taboo starts to die. When they are caught red-handed, like those perched on Lagos bridges, with their trousers at the ankles, and yet rise to poke a finger in the eye of the EFCC, we should be stunned. But we must react spontaneously with sufficient opprobrium. We can’t equivocate without killing something in us.

It is possible that those who defecate ceremoniously in public have reasons for their lack of shame. They are not insane. Perhaps they are too poor and are homeless. Or have homes that have no toilets. Or think that a society that cares not for the poor shouldn’t be concerned with aesthetic pleasures. That may be why Okada riders crush flowers planted by the state without compunction. Perhaps public defecators may argue that every other person litters the environment too. But we can’t stop feeling offended by open daring public defecation without losing a part of our lives. If these reasons are untenable then why isn’t the argument that until all former first ladies are probed Mama Peace should be allowed to enjoy the gifts from her friends not insane. If we clothe Mama Peace with immunity what then shall we tell Yakubu? That he is a small fry?

The problem is that those who cover their noses and turn their eyes away from large bums dripping feces on Lagos highways do not make excuses for these ethically challenged poor fellows. Our country has decayed, they would lament. Yet some amongst them with their fine sensibilities would turn round and queue behind the ‘victimized’ Niger Delta woman and the ‘maligned’ Southern Kaduna man and shamelessly, render songs of persecution.

Long live the rich and mighty!