By Francis Ewherido

We are in the advent season. Advent simply means coming, but for some Christians, it means the time we prepare for and await the commemoration of the birth of Jesus Christ. It also reminds us of the need to prepare for and await the second coming of Christ.

Finally, it means the coming of Jesus into our hearts on a daily basis. Our focus today is on the first meaning. Christmas is barely three weeks away, 22 days to be specific. Already the air is filled with lamentations about the dry Christmas that awaits many Nigerians because of the economic recession.

There is no doubt that we are going through difficult times. But as far back as 1980, that is 36 years ago, at least somebody around me has always lamented about hardship at Christmas. It is painful for parents who are unable to provide new clothes or cook special Christmas food for their children during this season. But we need to look beyond the immediate and peripherals and focus on the long term and the fundamentals of the season.

We are preparing for the coming of a VIP, who is not coming to eat our delicious meals or consume our expensive drinks. So while eating and wining are part of the celebration, Joel (2:13) reminded us long ago, even before the birth of Jesus, to rend our hearts, not our garments. This is the time for behavioural purification at the national, family and individual levels.

The advent season also witnesses the annual migration of millions of Nigerians mainly from one part of the country, but also from Abroad. Already, many churches are praying against accidents during this season and prayer warriors are casting out and binding blood-sucking demons, witches and wizards on our roads.

Any spiritual exercise against accidents and untimely deaths at this time is wonderful, but we must remember that this migration is also a physical activity and so when we travel, we must be safety conscious.

Put only road-worthy vehicles on the road: ensure that your tyres are in order and also ensure your vehicle can go the distance. Three main factors cause accidents: the driver, the vehicle or the road, the first two are comparatively within our control.

Also, remember that ultimately, everybody— those going at 60K/H, 80k/H and 150K/M—will get to his destination. As mortals, we shall all go someday, but why force it with our recklessness and wrong choices? If it is avoidable, do not allow your photograph to grace obituary posters.

It is also a season for weddings and engagements. Many bachelors and spinsters are going to be introduced to members of the opposite sex this season for the purpose of marriage. Nothing wrong with that, but please do a proper courtship to know the suitability of the person as a lifelong spouse, before you take the giant leap into matrimony. Do not be in a hurry to jump into marriage.

But even more important, before courtship, you need to do a journey of self-discovery. Many of us have not fully understood who we are, so we are unable to determine what is best for us. A journey of self-discovery will lay bare who you truly are: your likes and dislikes, your strengths and your weaknesses, your core values, etc. Knowledge of these will guide you in making the right choices. Many married people blame their spouses for their troubled marriages, but they are the chief culprits.

Marriage by postage is still going on. Some parents are going home solely to look out for a “good girl from a good home” for their son who is abroad and due for marriage. Once the parents see any girl that matches the criteria of “good girl” from a “good home,” they send the photo to their son and if he likes what he sees, a corrupted form of courtship starts.

How do you know a good girl without interaction? Shakespeare said: “There’s no art to find the mind’s construction in the face.” How do you know a “good home” without interaction over time? Uwevwirohwofabeno, meaning it is hard to understand the inner workings of another person’s home. There are many whitewashed graves being paraded as good homes all over the place.

For some time now, we have been reading about Nigerian husbands killing their Nigerian wives abroad, especially in the US. These are societies where rule and order reign supreme, so the husbands know full well the grave implications of their actions, but what is pushing them to this extreme violence? Some blame the husbands for becoming insecure; others blame them for trying to be typical African men in Oyibo land.

Others blame the wives for forgetting their African roots and trying to be more British or American than the British and Americans. Those societies confer enormous powers on married women and these powers sometimes get into the heads of our women. Whatever it is, I am sure you do not want to experience it personally. So, say no to marriage by postage this yuletide.

Nigeria is going through hard times, but do not use that as an excuse to jump into a Diaspora marriage without proper courtship. Many Nigerians still believe that good life is like products being displayed on supermarket shelves abroad. You walk in and make your choice. No be sooo! Be wise.

Many marriages will also be contracted this period. To all those getting married, have you done your due diligence? Are you sure you are ready to spend the rest of your life with that fiancé(e) of yours? Very few people go into marriage with 100 per cent assurance, but you must be reasonably sure you know what you are going into. I am a hardliner and I believe that it is never too late to pull out as long as you have not exchanged vows.

Even there at the altar, but before you say, “I do,” if you get fresh negative information or feel strongly that you are making a huge mistake, pull out! No sentiments, no sympathy, it is your life and future that are stake. Marriage has a way of shaping the rest of your life, so it is not something to trifle with. Where I have issues is when you have already said: “I do” and like the lady who abandoned her wedding reception a few weeks ago, say you do not want the marriage again. That is belated.

It is a season of joy and great expectation. Do not make choices that will bring you pain and sorrow. Welcome to advent.