By Francis Ewherido

Two weeks ago, we talked about getting our priorities right as spouses and parents. This is just an addendum. I do not know what the person who coined the phrase “better half” had in mind, but spouses must strive to be just that in every sense of the phrase to their wives/husbands. As a better half you have an obligation to make your spouse a better person. It is, therefore, a failing if after a while in matrimony, your spouse is worse than before you met him/her. Complement his/her strength and make up for his/her weaknesses. Your spouse should feel incomplete without you in the normal everyday living. We know we are mortals and dispensable, but as long as you breathe, be indispensable in spouse’s life. You are on shaky grounds in your marriage if your spouse can operate as if you do not exist, as if he/she is whole. If he/she is whole, who are you half to (we are not even talking of “better half” now)?

family

In your efforts to be indispensable to your spouse, sex is important, but not a prime factor. This is because when it comes to sex, spouses are only indispensable when the sex is holy (within matrimony). Take holy out of it and the monopoly is gone. Sex has become so cheap and readily available that you cannot use sex as a tool to become indispensable to your spouse anymore. You must look for other ways to be relevant in your spouse’s life. Your presence in his/her life must make life simpler and easier, bring joy and happiness, sunshine in bad weather and comfort in difficult times; you should be a balm of Gilead to your spouse. All some spouses bring to the marriage are complications, pains, heartaches and sorrows.

Two weeks ago, we also talked about parents being there for their children, even when the children try to shut them out. But sometimes some parents are physically present, but not there. There is a guy who lives upstairs in a story building where a drinking and isiewu joint occupies the ground floor. When he gets back from work, he stays downstairs to eat, drink and chat with friends until late when he retires to his house, mostly too tired to be useful to his wife and children. His children live with him, but of what use is a father the children scarcely interact with. He is not there to check homework, instruct or mentor the children and provide effective leadership.

He is a very bad example of a father figure to the children and God forbid that his boys, especially, should see him as a role model. If they do, the boys will grow up thinking their role as a father is to sire children, feed them, house them and pay their school fees only. They will not know that parenting includes showering the children with love, mentoring them, providing guidance and effective leadership and enforcing discipline when the children step out of line. The daughters will grow up confused, not knowing what to expect of their future spouse as a husband and father of their children.

From experience children seem to appreciate parental actions that involve sacrifice and inconveniences more. Some children from rich homes, for instance, do not see paying their staggering school fees as a big deal. My friend wanted to pay his son’s school fees, but forgot the figure. He then asked the son, “how much is your school fees?” The son looked at him bemused and blurted:”Dad, how am I supposed to know that?” He only gets thank you when, in spite of his busy schedule, he does school runs and takes them on weekend outings instead of resting after a tough working week. But only children of the rich have such luxury. If your parents go from the Northern Pole to the Southern Pole before paying your school fees, you are forced to be grateful.

Gunshot Victims

On page 6 of the Vanguard of June 24, 2016, there was a news item of a robbery where the victim, 26-year-old Kingsley Chukwudi, was shot from behind and robbed of the money he was taking to the bank in Apapa, Lagos. Chukwudi, according to the report, was rushed to a private hospital where he was refused treatment because of the absence of a police report. Citizen Chukwudi subsequently died as a result of the gunshot injuries.

Only recently the Federal Government, through the Minister of Health, Prof. Isaac Adewole, told medical professionals to treat gunshot victims first before reporting to the police. The recently-retired Inspector General of Police, Solomon Arase, made a similar appeal sometime ago. Some previous inspectors general of police have spoken in similar vain. How long will it take medical personnel to heed a simple call? Don’t they read newspapers or watch television? Why is human life so cheap among those whose primary duty is to save it?

In the Seventh National Assembly, Hon. Nkiruka Onyejeocha sponsored a bill for an act to make Provisions for the Compulsory Treatment and Care for the Victims of Gunshot and Other Matters Connected Therewith (thanks to Barr. Peter Osuji for informing me of this bill). What happened to that bill? Its passage and enforcement have become very imperative.

I urge the Ministry of Health to liaise with the Nigerian Medical Association and other umbrella associations of medical personnel to reach out to their members to treat gunshot victims without demanding a police report and contact the nearest police station thereafter. We all know what it takes to get a police report in Nigeria; certainly not a document any rational person should demand for in an emergency case.

After a stipulated period of enlightenment, any hospital, clinic or medical personnel that demands for police report before treating a gunshot victim should be charged to court for manslaughter, if the victim dies as a result of the refusal/failure/negligence to the medical personnel/institution. The personnel or establishment should also lose their professional/operational license where applicable. God, our creator, has enormous value for our lives; his creatures must learn to place premium value on life.