Dear Bunmi

I have two children, a boy and a girl. I know for sure that my daughter was fathered by my husband but I’m not sure if my husband is also the father of my son. As at the time I conceived the second time, I had a brief fling with an ex-boyfriend and now I am afraid this boy could be his.

Love

Can I have tests done without involving my husband? He believes he’s the father of both children.

Abigail, bye-mail.

Dear Abigail,

Many siblings, unknown to them and their mother’s unsuspecting husband, have  different fathers. They have also been known to take on many of the characteristics of both the mother and the man who raise them. Children are moulded not only by their genes but also the environment in which they are reared and the role models they find there.

You need to forget the secret of infidelity that hangs like a ghost over your marriage  and obstructs the deepening of intimacy between you and your husband.

DNA testing can establish who the father of your son is but will require sample of blood or saliva to be taken either from your husband or from the other man, who may be the boy’s father, as well as from your little boy and ideally, from you. The test is also quite expensive as it’s not readily available in the country.

The question really is, would you want to drag your son, your husband and lover

through this embarrassing process when it’s not really necessary? You alone can

answer this question.