By Yetunde Arebi

According to the story, and some parts of which we witnessed, my friend’s uncle, happened to be an only boy of six children born by their parents. Naturally, his sisters’ worlds revolved around him. He was everything to them, their baby, their big brother, support and idol. Their parents had invested richly on him, being the only one to travel outside the country to further his studies. But things changed when Brother, as we fondly call him, met and fell in love with one of the village belles. They considered her a wayward gold digger and were not happy with their brother’s decision to make an honest woman out of her.

File: Igbo Traditional Marriage

Having been born and raised in the same village, they were well acquainted with pocket details of her sexual dalliances and were convinced that their brother deserved better. Though the lady’s family were not exactly poor, but they said it was clear right from childhood that “Sister” as we later called her had her eyes on great things which she was convinced that her beauty could get her. And she used it to full advantage according to one of Brother’s siblings who belong to the same “age group” as Sister. Besides, with the plans their brother had laid out for her, she was an unnecessary expense to their family.

With only a Secondary School Leaving Certificate to her name, he was going to be responsible for her education to higher institution. They considered her a sheer waste of time and resources, especially since Brother was schooling abroad and the two were not likely to live together for a significant period at a time. But the heart wants what it wants and at the end of the day, Sister and her mother, for the siblings were convinced that everything she did was with the knowledge and support of her mother who was also not considered as a very good example of married women in the village.

For many years, it was a tug of war between Brother, his wife and his siblings who kept insisting that rather than marriage slowing down Sister, it had only empowered her to sink deeper into the pit of sexual immorality. For, though Brother was fulfilling his own responsibilities as husband and father, she was far from being grateful for her exalted position. For a man that saw her through the College of Education and then the University, much was expected of her than what the sisters insisted she was dishing out to their brother. Their greatest pain, being that she thought she deserved and was entitled to everything she was getting and never failed to stick it in their faces whenever she had the opportunity. In and out of school, there was a trail of rumours and speculations about her chain of lovers and one particular one had it that while at the University, she dated a fellow student and lecturer for obvious reasons. But, though Brother’s ears were full, he still stood his ground, maintaining that she was his beloved wife and mother of his children and above all else, he trusted her and until he had physical evidence of her alleged promiscuity, he had nothing to discredit her innocence.

One would have thought that for his unflinching support, Sister would at least, muster the will power to shake off what now appeared to be a compulsive behaviour or addiction. Extra marital sex was pleasurable, especially where legit sex was not so regular as Brother was similar to the legendary “Ajala” who travelled all over the world. She continued in her set ways and at one point, the story had it that she was bringing her lovers home. Perhaps, to reduce her contact with environments that could act as incentive to her alleged hobby, Brother set her up on a business of her own, worth several millions of Naira but this only infuriated his siblings the more.

They were convinced that their brother’s relationship with his wayward wife was not natural and he was indeed under a spell most likely facilitated by his mother-in-law who was reputed to be of similar character. They were always of the opinion that only iron can sharpen iron and the only way to prove to their brother that they were right about his wife was for them to travel the traditional path also. They would invoke the oracles and make her take the oath of fidelity to her marriage. They were convinced that she would fall like a pack of cards in no time.

Initially, Brother had always insisted that he had no interest in such a thing, they finally got his consent after one particular new year family meeting. He agreed that they invoked the wrath of the oracles upon his wife. He however warned that the deal had nothing to do with anything that might have happened in the past, but for any fresh affair thereafter. At this juncture, one would think that “Sisi ologe” would hang her boot and resign to the “services” of her husband alone. A habit becomes a need where will power fails. But perhaps, like many of us too, she had come to believe less in the efficacy of the powers of the oracles, or she had become convinced in the full proof capability of her own oracles.

When the illness began, it was Brother again who took her to the hospital when it became clear that what they assumed was malaria and typhoid fevers had turned into an indescribable illness, travelling all round her body and rendering her immobile. At a point, Brother was said to have asked his wife if it was not the juju of the oracle at work, but Sister denied having crossed the line and maintained her unflinching devotion to her marriage vows.

They said she even swore upon her life and those of her children, that she had not been unfaithful to him. But back in the village and amongst close relatives, Sister’s illness and how God had finally caught up with her was already making waves.  And though her mother stood up in her defence and picked quarrels with everyone that she could, she did not waste time in travelling to Lagos to see things for herself. Unfortunately, it was in her presence that a white garment prophet who had come to visit another patient in the hospital, informed Brother that they should take Sister home as her illness was not medical. If she could confess and necessary rituals performed, her life could be saved. Not done yet with their charade, mother and daughter packed themselves off to the village for solution rather than make a confession, perhaps, still in their delusion that their own powers were infallible.

It has been almost 10 years now. Sister has become even less than a shadow of her once beautiful self and has remained in the village, her once glamorous, rich life over. Still, Brother insists that, had she confided in him, he would have protected her because of his love for her and her children. But beyond that, because he is no saint and is guilty of same offense. The only difference is their sexes, she is female and society does not approve of such laxity on the part of women.

Yet, there are men who willingly set their wives up for the sexual pleasures of other men, especially for material benefits and money. The movie, Indecent Proposal readily comes to mind. While most of such relationship eventually break down after the ugly deed might have been done, some couples sometimes turn out to be two of a kind. A lady once told me that she took the decision to end her four year old marriage after she found out that her husband had deliberately set her up for a rump with the MD of one of the companies he did business with. She had gone to the man’s office on his behalf that day and left highly embarrassed and humiliated after the man informed her that she was being used as a bait to win a contract. He told her that he considered her a sister and would never do such a thing with her, more so, she was someone’s wife. They had a big fight that night and then, she knew the marriage was over. She would rather prostitute of her own free will than be used as a pun.

However the couple in a story told by a close friend, lived up to their marital vows of “for better, for worse”. The husband was the pimp and took her to the clients and they made no attempt to hide their business from family, friends and neighbours. The “guy man” had brought his ludicrous trade from Oyinbo land where he’d been deported from after serving a jail sentence, and found a willing adventurer in a very pretty, young girl, old enough to be his daughter. They both died as a result of complications from HIV/AIDS a couple of years ago and the neighbours were glad to see their backs.

Finally, another group I find amusing are women who not only know of their husband’s affairs but even give approval and lure other women into their arms. Shocking? Funny? I really don’t know, but it runs contrary to natural dictates. What we know and are familiar with, is that no woman would willing share her man, or encourage him to take another. But now, there is a new brand of women who openly discuss their husband’s affairs with other women, believing that they are helping their husbands to teach these women a lesson! Weird right? But this trend is fast spreading like a wildfire. These women have dubiously conceived in their minds, that it gives them a sort of control over their partners and even encourages him to commits himself more to them. Hmm! I will keep this under wrap for another day. Do have a wonderful weekend!!