By Funmi Komolafe

“A problem shared is half solved”. This is a  popular statement, but does it bring immediate solution?

Not really, but at least a discussion can generate new ideas that could solve a problem.

Today’s article is about the essence of dialogue or consultation.

Couples waiting on the Lord must discuss the issue. It is only while discussing it that you can get the true emotional state of your partner.

It also provides an opportunity for both of you to mutually agree on the steps to be taken.

Such a discussion must take place in a cordial atmosphere.

Avoid discussing it when either of you is tensed up.

Apart from your spouse, you may also discuss it with people who have had similar experiences. However, be careful who you discuss with because it is your private life.

Having done that, take  necessary steps. Be united in taking these steps.

Avoid distractions.

Women who are pestered by in-laws could tactically avoid any forum where they are likely to meet such people.

In doing this, the husband has a role to play. He has a duty to protect his wife from such people.

The man should never encourage such discussion outside his home or in the absence of  the wife.

Let me share  an  experience.

A couple had been married for some years without children.

The husband gave in to ungodly advice from his relations and went on to father two children by another woman.

Of course what  the relations promised him would be a family secret blew open when the same relations when to taunt the wife.

The  result was  lack of trust and bitterness.

As if that betrayal wasn’t enough, the wife suggested and was ready to pay for IVF. The man bluntly refused.

Unknown to the man, his other woman had been having an affair with a relation of his. As a result, the paternity of the children was  in dispute.

The woman and the said relation kept  the affair a secret. It remained a secret but  they carried the guilt in their hearts. Women should avoid taking such steps. It  is not only ungodly, it also has serious implications  for the family and the relationship between the husband and wife.

More importantly, such secret  often becomes  public knowledge. Someday, something is bound to happen and the secret will blow open. When it does, the man’s life is likely going to be threatened because his relation and the other woman cannot afford to bear the shame.

Your guess is as good as mine.

The point must be made, however, that it is true that kids make our homes joyful, but in our desire to have children, we must draw a line. The couple must jointly agree on the steps to take.

A reputable man of God once described  bearing children  as “ joy unspeakable”.

Indeed that is what it is. However, we need to ask, why do couples with children still divorce?

I was at the Lagos High Court sometime last year and I saw a pretty woman , nicely dressed, good spoken English and you will conclude she was doing well with her career.

She had sued for divorce. The husband was not in court. The judge asked her if they had children. She answered in the affirmative.

The judged asked for the ages of the children and it turned out that two of them were already teenagers.

So, what went wrong? She made a number of allegations that bordered  on betrayal, lack of faith in the marriage, etc.

Can such a home be described as joyful? Definitely not.

Perhaps if the couple had found time to discuss  issues with the one at fault admitting his or her fault and making amends, probably they would have saved themselves and their children the trauma of  divorce.

Although the case  is still on, there was no indication that either of the parties was ready for amicable settlement.

There is no law compelling anyone to get married but it is the wish of God for us.

Genesis 1 vs 28 says “ Be fruitful and multiply , replenish the earth and subdue it”.

Those who choose to get married must be prepared to deal with the challenges which may include  delay in having children.

Couples must learn to keep anxiety away.

It gives room to unnecessary tension which could have effects on the hormonal system . I once met a medical doctor in England who told me that he had been treating a Nigerian woman, who  was about 50 years old,  for ante-natal. He said the woman wanted to have a biological child but he told her that since she was over 40 , she would not be allowed to have an IVF in England.

He said  the woman went to Ukraine, had her IVF and returned to him in England for ante- natal care.

She must have had her baby now.

I have seen a number of women who have given birth to children after the medical age of menopause.

With God all things are possible.

Don’t be discouraged. Be relaxed.  Demonstrate your faith in God by remaining steadfast in prayer.   Once you believe that it is God that gives children and you continue to serve him diligently, you will be rewarded.

Men of God recommend that women believing God for children need to sow seeds.   Don’t get fed up with giving.

Sow into the lives of children and God will answer your prayers too.

Live your life to the fullest and have faith in God  for whom nothing is impossible.

A delay, as commonly said, is not necessarily a denial. Besides, God is never late.

… Send your letters to joyfulhomes2015@gmail.com