By Bunmi Komolafe

For couples trusting God for children,   they must be hopefully.  With hope, faith and belief that “ With God all things are possible”,  joy unspeakable will arrive at last.

We need to thank God for the breakthrough in medical science  commonly referred to as IVF.  This has helped many  couples to have  their biological children yet it has failed for others.    We’ll return to this issue  in subsequent editions.

Whichever option, the couple choose, they must be in agreement .

As stated  in Genesis 1 vs 28 “ And God blessed them and God said unto them,  Be fruitful and multiply, and replenish the earth and subdue it and have dominion  over the fish of the sea and over  the fowl of  the air and over every living thing that movement upon the earth”.

The commandment of God is that all that he created, animals and human beings must pro create.

It is also through that even from the Bibical accounts some women, Sarah, Rebecca and Hannah did not have it so easy having children.

Learned Pastors attribute  the challenge to a “ Spirit of Delay”  but thank God the yoke can be broken.

May I say that the reader is free to refer to relevant sections in his  or her faith  to achieve a breakthrough.

When couples have a delay, the responsibility of warding off social pressure is for both.

Let’s not assume that men don’t feel the   pressure too.  Oh!  They do.  Though they react differently. A man once shared his pain with me saying  , “ When colleagues  at  work invite me to their  naming ceremonies or kids birthday parties, I feel so lonely”.

Pressure   for men is not only from colleagues at  work but also from their parents  who are desirous to see their grandchildren.

Mothers who wish to see “ their   grandchildren”  tend to put more pressure on their sons but it takes  the real man in the Man to withstand such pressure.

A man who   had been  married for  about 15  years had an encounter   with his mother who advised him to marry another wife, keep her in his hometown and have children .  This she advised will enable her see her grandchildren and   it would be kept a “ family secret”.

Somehow, the man rejected her advising opting to keep his marriage vows.

He then told his mother ( it’s a true life story) “ Mum, I will continue to be your son  meeting your needs and caring for you but if you don’t stop  writing off my wife  and giving such pieces of advice, then I will keep away from you”. That did it.  Mama had no option than to shut up. Today this  couple have four children including a set of twins.

Now, let’s get one thing clear, those who give negative advice will not be with you to bear the consequences of   their ill advice.

It not just men that are badly advised women too are.

An elderly woman once advised her daughter’s friend who had been waiting to have children “  Why don’t you go and sleep with another man.  The baby will look  like the man you share your bed with regularly ( your husband)”. That to me is simply evil.

It is the height of deceit but then I have seen it happen.

A frustrated woman who gave in to pressure, went sleeping with her boss who is fair complexioned like the husband.  In this case, they were not waiting for children, they had daughters but wanted sons.

The boss’s wife had been giving birth to boys, so she took the plunge and got a son.   Everyone  in the office knew that the precious boys was fathered by her boss.  The one who did not know was her husband. So far, she seemed to have gotten away with it or so it seems.

Another woman who took a similar step did not have funny.  In her own case, she lured the man who was waiting to have   children from his wife into a relationship and had a child for him.

Everything went well   for her, though the were not married, she child became her access  to the man’s money.  She made sure  all the child’s needs were inflated .  The child became her gold mine.

However, Providence took the man and his wife to America, indeed they won a visa lottery and after a while the   man wanted his daughter to live with him.

Then the secret   was exposed.

A DNA test conducted on the girl showed that the man was not the biological father of the 13 year old girl.

Of course, the mother was confronted and she had no answer.

The man  was so shocked, he almost passed out but resolved to continue to be the  foster father of the teenager because it was “ too late to disown her”. Besides, he told me, “  I cannot blame the girl for the circumstances of her birth”.

Today this same man and his wife have a  biological son who is about 10 years old.

The reality is that at one time or the other ,   a spouse could be emotionally low due to this challenge.  He or she may not verbalize it . The duty of the other   partner is to encourage the  one that is low. Avoid a situation where both of you are low at the same time. When this happens, one of the parties should  engage himself or herself in another activity and within a short time, he or she will bounce back.

Blaming each other isn’t the solution to the challenge.  Taking ungodly steps will further delay the breakthrough.

More importantly, couples need to show each other more love and commitment while waiting.Remain steadfast have faith .

The good news is that there is light at the end of the tunnel.


Readers share your experience and  thoughts with us on joyfulhomes


Comments expressed here do not reflect the opinions of vanguard newspapers or any employee thereof.