By Francis Ewherido
Monday, December 1, is World AIDS Day, a day set aside since 1988 to beam the searchlight on HIV (human immunodeficiency virus) and AIDS (acquired immune deficiency syndrome). There are divergent opinions and efforts on how to curb and stop the spread of HIV and AIDS. You might not agree with some of the opinions and methods, but you cannot fault the commitment of people who over the years have contributed to curbing the spread of HIV. As usual there will be various activities, including talks, to mark the day. The position canvassed by a guest on a radio show last year informed this article. He said secondary pupils should be taught how to use condoms and contraceptives, as part of sex education, to curb the spread of AIDS because some of them are sexually active.

It got me thinking; after learning how to use condoms, whose daughters are they going to sleep with? Where are they going to engage in their sexual activities since many parents will not allow it under their roofs? Which hotels let rooms to children? Are affected parents not entitled to sue such hotels? Where will they get the money to fund their amorous affairs since they do not earn incomes? Oh, okay, they can do it nicodemusly (surreptitiously) in school, uncompleted buildings, bushes and when they are home alone. If our teenage sons are going to mess around with other people’s daughters, what moral rights do we have to protect our underaged daughters from being messed around with?

Why should we introduce our daughters to contraceptives with attendant side effects including infertility? After teaching them how to use condoms/contraceptives how do they reconcile the contradictions when they pray and study portions of the Bible condemning sexual immorality especially where they are told their bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit and not for fornication? Please I need help; I need answers.

More questions, beyond the marriage ceremony and official stamp, what is the difference between teenage sex in marriage and out of marriage? Why would you crucify the lawmakers who said once a girl reaches puberty she is ripe for marriage and at the same time encourage your teenage daughters to engage in teen sex or turn a blind eye when they do so? Our daddy, Sir Gabriel Adoghe, reminded me last week that in Warri, they say “die na die.” In this case, sex na sex. Our problem with under-aged marriage is that it is disruptive; their reproductive organs might not cope with pregnancy and childbirth and they are not physically, economically and mentally ready for parenthood. When teenagers engage in sex, is this not the lot that awaits them? Encouraging teenagers to use condoms and contraceptives begs the issue. Their inexperience and anxiety will even make the effort epileptic. Campaigners against AIDS always tell us that abstinence, with mutual fidelity, remains the best form of protection; why should we teach our children to aim for bronze (use contraceptives) instead of gold (abstinence)?

One of my friends feels inhibited in parenting when it comes to the issue of sexuality because he became a parent in his teens. I tell him that the fact that he was caught in the farm does not make him the only thief; others only escaped. This should not be a stumbling block in properly molding his children. If St. Paul had allowed his defective past to inhibit him, we would have been robbed of so many great books in the Bible. As long as old things have passed away and the new has taken over, I do not see any issue or hypocrisy there. The essence of following another driver on a pothole-ridden road is to avoid the potholes he dodges and those he falls into. We should not allow our children make the mistakes we made. Okiemute (there is a time for everything) and Edirinverere (patience has rewards) are popular names in Urhoboland. We should knock the essence of such names into our children’s heads and write the spirit in their hearts rather than just giving children native names to identify them with their ethnic origins. Ultimately, our children will have their way, but let us at least have our say, so that we can be

at peace with our creator.

One major danger of encouraging children to use contraceptives is that you make them emotionally dependent on others rather than being independent. Being without spouses, money and homes of their own, they are severely handicapped in satisfying their sexual urge. If we do not encourage them to fan into flame the gift of self control God has deposited in them, we make them vulnerable; we also put their younger siblings, other children around and even domestic animals at risk of sexual abuse. If they do not start learning self control now, when are they going to learn it; after marriage? I said it before; marriage is no ticket to unbridled sex. Work, travels, ill health and many other factors mean that your spouse is not available 24/7. It is the grace of God and the gift of self control that keep faithful spouses going. We need to educate our children that sexual urge is a “burden” all humankind bears. We are all involved, except children who have not reached puberty, exceptionally gifted adults and those whose battery cells are dying or completely dead. We should help and encourage them to bear their cross, we should teach them to live responsibly.

The theme for this year is “Getting to Zero”; in other words, achieving an HIV/AIDS-free world. This is a tall order for varying reasons and there will continue to be divergent views on how to achieve it, but we must all continue to push on at individual and collective levels. The pervasive desperation to find a cure makes you to keep quiet and wait whether even methods you are opposed to will work. Meanwhile abstinence and mutual fidelity remain the best form of protection against the spread of HIV through sex.