By Debbie Olujobi

In a recent group discussion, I came  across the concept of the “Say-Do ratio”. It was at an international networking session of women executives and entrepreneurs. It was used in connection to partner participation in marriage by a man who was curious about how much working  women expected from their men to feel truly fulfilled.

The phrase itself in my understanding is the ratio of the number of things said by a person or a company to the number of things that they have actually done.  In a perfect world your say-do ratio is 1:1 meaning you have done everything that you said you would do; a perfect score in an integrity test. I met women who were burning the candle at both ends trying to succeed in highly competitive careers, while desperately wanting to fulfil their roles as mothers and wives.

I found the group a validation of all that I am as a woman and I learnt that I am not alone in sometimes feeling inadequate and incompetent in the areas that count the most. There were many great points raised by the extremely intelligent and successful women at my table but the two men at the table provided  great insight into the hearts and minds of our life partners and husbands; their contribution was an added bonus.

It’s very simplistic to reduce life to an equation; a simple ratio but I am convinced life really is that simple. For any interaction whether romantic, platonic or commercial to run smoothly we all must know where we stand and what better way to weigh risk than introduce the ratio before we even make a commitment.

A long time ago, during a lively conversation with friends, we discussed a crazy hypothesis of having people investigated before we got involved with them. I should confess that I introduced the idea and though most people were initially appalled, some came round to my line of thought. The truth is that we don’t all portray a completely accurate picture of who we are and used to be and I am as guilty of that as the rest of the world.

While some of us may rightfully not be so proud of past choices and mistakes and choose to leave them out of view, some others actually stage an intentional act of deceit for nefarious reasons. So maybe an in depth investigation of people’s past may be an invasion of privacy but their Say-Do ratio should be easy enough to work out. What you have said and exactly what you have done in previous associations  answers every question on personal ethics and character.

I have a similar theory to the Say-Do ratio and mine is more of a metaphor. I group people into two animal types; the snake and the horse, in my view most people are one or the other. A snake  is a creature full of venom, slimy, dark, no backbone, and very pretentious. A horse on the other hand is a magnificent creature, it is noble, gorgeous, strong and very ready to serve.

Snakes come in all shapes and sizes, just like the human beings that are like them; they are creatures of deception and mostly come into our space acting like they are horses; they talk the talk but are not able to walk the walk. Their Say-Do ratio is 1:0, they say but they don’t. If you cant rely on people doing what they say they will, then contracts, marriages and even friendships are doomed from the get go.

Is it harsh to classify some people as snakes? Yes it is, the truth is sometimes harsh. A snake will say anything to get their way but once they do, they will show their true colour by slithering away leaving behind destruction and heartbreak. Most people without integrity are unable to fake it, just like a snake is incapable of standing straight like a horse, its got no spine.

Another chilling similarity is the lack of remorse people without integrity blatantly exhibit when they hurt others; a cold bloodedness that is eerily similar to that exhibited by the serpent after Eve had been conned out of Eden.

Lately I have had integrity on my mind anytime I think of Nigeria and wonder when the ruling class will be held accountable for their lack of doing even when they half heartedly spout promises and defences of the obvious lack of leadership the nation faces.

While most snake like people would score a 1:0 ratio in their Say-Do ratio, I actually question whether the Nigerian government of the day shouldn’t be scored a ratio of 0:0, after all what have they actually said! Bashing the government of the day is not really the motive behind the column, but  I couldn’t resist the analogy of the snake like qualities our politicians make so obvious. I actually am more focussed on the dynamics that make associations and contracts work between people.

Going forward I have sussed out that silence really is golden; I wont say much so I can at least do the little I say. We may all have good intentions but let’s not forget the road to hell is paved with those. Being true to what is do-able and even possible for us is key to maintaining integrity even at the risk of not being liked. The sure way of maintaining a good ratio is for my word to stand in every situation to the best of my ability.

This is especially important for women trying to balance homes and careers. We are natural nurturers, we want to be everything for everybody. What that means for most women is a dip in their Say-Do ratio  because people play on our emotions and we get persuaded to make promises we are not able to keep.

Ironically we are most persecuted for our unreliability by those who demand more than we can deliver. I walked away from my table of dynamic women (and two great men) encouraged by the raw honesty of the emotions we all share, resolute to get rid of the guilt that has become a currency for family and bosses to spend at my expense and determined that my Say-Do ratio will be as impeccable as I am capable of making it.