By Francis Ewherido

Basically, there are two types of wrestling rings. You have the square one with an open top with a pole on each corner with two ropes (or thick wires) round it and the cage-type, which is an enclosure. Normally in a wrestling match in the open ring, one of the wrestlers can get out and get a breather if the beating is too much or to re-strategise.

Some even abandon the fight. In a cage-wrestling bout, there is no such luxury. It is an enclosure and the only room for escape, the door, is locked until a winner emerges.

I have taken time to study marriages in modern times and see a correlation between people’s perception of marriage and wrestling rings. Too many married people have the mentality of an open ring wrestling and that is one of the main reasons for the increasing rate of divorce. Samples: “wife files for divorce because husband is stingy”; “wife wants divorce because husband is insatiable”; “husband wants divorce, says wife is troublesome,” “my wife does not respect me,” “my wife has stopped cooking for me.” The list goes on and range from the trivial to the ridiculous; issues that a simple, sensible dialogue between the couples can resolve. For many couples, at the slightest storm (not even tornado), they want to jump ship.

Commitment is evaporating from marriages rapidly. There is no room for perseverance, patience, forgiveness, dialogue and understanding.  If I may ask, if their marriages were a cage, will these peoples’ perception and actions be the same or they will go an extra mile to ensure that their marriages succeed? Again, do these people know the rivers, valleys and mountains some of the successful and celebrated  marriages had to overcome to get to their destination?Also, I look at the efforts and sacrifices people put in to get to the pinnacles of their careers or build successful businesses; if half that effort was put into marriages the story will be different.

For those who follow Christian marital vows to the letter; divorce and remarrying  are no options. For them marriage is a wrestling cage. Solution must be found to challenges and problems that inevitably must arise. In other words, when you see marriage as a cage without escape and you must win, you will learn, imbibe and practice virtues that will turn that cage into a comfortable home. You will learn to be patient with your spouse, knowing that God endowed you with capabilities. When there are family decisions to be taken, you will consult your spouse to reach conclusions. In situations where you want to have your way, you will carry your spouse along to avoid problems.  When you do have your way, always be magnanimous in “victory”. Do not rub it in. Few marriages will survive the ensuing acrimony

There is nothing like everything being important in marriage. In life, there are fundamental and there are trivial matters. In marriage, you must define those things that are important to you, those that go to the root of your core values; those you cannot easily shift ground on. Thereafter you take it easy on all other issues. Also, know those things that are important to your spouse and learn to take them as important. It solidifies marriage, and indeed, all relationships … .It can be very painful and annoying when your spouse trivializes what you consider fundamental or desecrates that which you consider sacred.

Mutual respect is key in marriage. Spouses must accord each other respect always. This respect should extend to the extended families.

One of the common remarks from spouses, especially wives is:“you have changed.” Yes, change must occur. Change, they say, is the only constant thing in life. But you must learn to cope with the changes in your marriage.  Always dialogue, dialogue and dialogue. The phrase: “irreconcilable differences” seldom exists because most differences can be reconciled. More often than not it is not the differences that are irreconcilable; but our egos and unforgiving spirit that are obstacles.

You will also get to meet the twins called tolerance and forgiveness. They are wonderful friends and companions. They are painkillers,and bring enormous relief. Forgiveness, especially, is good for the heart; it cures bitterness and prolongs your life.

Marriage is meant to be enjoyed, not endured.

Too many couples are enduring their marriages. Christians are of the Biblical view that marriage ought to be built on the Solid Rock, that solid foundation called Christ. He is Love, He is patient, kind, selfless, humble and not easily angered; keeps no record of wrongs, rejoices with the truth, always protects, always trusts, always hopes and always perseveres. That is Jesus, our mentor,  our role model; the  most important party in our marriage.