Ol’ boy! Middle age is here man! Not so much in terms of looks oh but your body reminds you every now and again that “things ain’t what they used to be”; but mainly it’s in the thought processes. I don’t have death on mind but more and more, I find my thoughts turning towards ‘legacy’.

Not just in terms of material wealth which is necessary but actually just by the way when it comes down to it; but in terms of who I am, what I’ve done and the things that I will leave behind. But on the lighter side, you know middle age is really setting in when you begin to do those things your mother did that you swore you never would. *sigh*

Last month my first daughter had a significant birthday. She had a good time which she thoroughly deserves; she’s a child that would make any mother proud. Anyway, as I was playing the day back in my head, it suddenly occurred to me that the next major party we’re going to have for her is a wedding.

Pause for effect…. Na wa o. Then, I take it a step further and begin to mentally pick out songs. The one for thanksgiving, the one they’re going to play as I am being ushered into to the hall – you know; as the mother of the bride (said with a jerk of the head and a tug on my collar).

The thing is that up till that moment, I used to view mothers who made such a production of their entrance at their daughters weddings with rye amusement. …”Didn’t they realise that it wasn’t about them?….

The joke is on me. I now know with certainty exactly what it is about. It is actually a dance of triumphant victory. Every mother knows the constant tight rope she walks in navigating any child through to adulthood especially in these times. So; (slightly embarrassed face but ultimately not caring) my dance will be looooonnnng!!!

I’m mentally picking out colours, thinking up themes, noting the vendors that do good work at other weddings. Forget that nobody has formally presented me with a potential groom; one has to plan for these things! That’s the worse part, I find myself assessing everyone I see around her from that point of view. I have to consciously prevent myself from becoming a henpecking mom.

Our older son came home from school for the weekend. He’s in his first year and was joining us in the adult church for the very first time. I had just returned from my corner where I do my worship when I realised that he had changed seats. According to his father, he had gone to sit with a friend and was sitting a few seats away with a young lady, hmm!

Throughout the service I kept glancing at them surreptitiously. But for whatever reason, she just refused to look in my direction. Even when I got up to hand something to my son, she studiously kept a straight face.

In my head, I already had visions of a sullen daughter in-law that refuses to engage and integrate. …”Ehen! I don’t want trouble o! This is how it starts!” …Mommy… calm down!! The boy is only sixteen. Do I hear somebody say chillax?

Is it some bio chemical reaction that is triggered by the sight and wanting the best for our teenage and young adult children?

For someone who prides herself on being ‘cool’, this is some pretty strange behaviour…. It’s got to be some middle aged syndrome, true!