By Debbie Ogunjobi
Writing is cathartic; it’s the best way to really look at situations and make an appraisal that puts into consideration the truth and one’s core beliefs and convictions.

It’s an expression that is divine and therapeutic and tonight (it’s 3am) the night is a friend and a willing accomplice to this most noble of arts!! Information is power; knowing the contents of people’s character is power and preservation rolled into one. It takes the surprise out of attacks and if one is attacked when one is prepared; it’s a battle one can certainly win.

The past week had a few unpleasant surprises and I mourn the loss of a mentor. If someone hitherto held in high esteem degenerates to a level of unsurpassed disgust it is as sad as sudden death.

The world becomes smaller as the giant becomes the ant but the shrinkage also means the sun comes out of the erstwhile giant’s shadow. It’s important to pay attention to changes in season and time and realise that pain is a sign of growth; we stretch painfully to become giants ourselves.

It’s a rude shock to find oneself land lobbed in a colony of bats who prefer life in darkness, hanging upside down. Any gathering that entertains, celebrates and validates the strife of tongues is a gathering of peers alright,though I would suggest that they are more closely related to bats; they may have aspirations of flight but they are no better than airborne rats!

It all boils down to the assumption that peers are equals in all respects and I would respectfully submit that only the fact that most people are Homo sapiens qualify them to be grouped together in any respect. A normal peer group is a social group consisting of humans; they are not necessarily of like minds even when convenience or conviction brings them together.

When not in a legal sense Peer groups are an informal primary group of people who share a similar or equal status and who are usually of roughly the same age/ generation. In this group, a code of conduct exists that suggests similar interests and passions but only on the surface. Most peers are kept together by the stimulus of pressure which influences behaviour and conduct.

I used to be part of one such group back in my student days and it didn’t take long after we graduated to split the group up. We evolved out of a need to survive our location and situation as poor students and once that pressure was relieved we found that most of us had nothing in common and gladly went our separate ways.

Like all human associations there is always a vein that runs through its existence and it is either negative or positive. It can be a peer association borne out of religion or even social and cultural obligations.

I am finding to my horror that I may have inadvertently been complicit into becoming part of one such group that may yet prove to be a monster garbed in pretty clothes. I wonder if ignorance would be a valid excuse should my suspicion be confirmed on judgement day! It is possible that most of us in a bid to quench the emptiness inside of us stop seeking the light and fall for the eclipse that is blocking the light itself!!

I am reminded of a similar situation faced by my closest friend a few years back and I am amused to find myself in exactly the same predicament I had told her could never befall me as I didn’t believe in groups that regimented and controlled ones existence. I am left wondering what it takes to avoid strife of any sort especially by people who barely know you and make up anything to support the judgement they have made.

I conclude with a sigh and a smile. I have no control over people’s actions or tongues but I can determine my reaction. I can live by a code of conduct that keeps me simple of mind and joyful of heart. Life is an unfolding tapestry of complex patterns and colours and there’s never a dull moment. We are judged by people who know us and even those who don’t; their humanity makes them the jury of peers but I totally disagree with the definition that we have a lot in common if anything at all.

When I am flummoxed by situations out of my control; I step out of it so God can take care of it. Like Gregory Peck “my faith gives me an inner strength, a sense of balance and a perspective in life”. When anyone seeks my counsel on strife and malice I ask them to ask God for help and like David say a prayer (found in Psalm 144: 7-8)

“Send thine hand from above o Lord; rid me and deliver me out of great waters, from the hand of strange children; whose mouth speaketh vanity, and their right hand is a right hand of falsehood”