Dear Bunmi,
My boyfriend and I were on the verge of making wedding plans when he married someone else because she was pregnant! You can imagine how heartbroken I was and since then, I have made up my mind not to get into another serious relationship.

I realize that most men just use women for sex and because I want to feel I’m in control, I’ve had more than ten sexual partners in under a year! You see, I need to feel wanted. But I don’t want to fall in love again as I always get hurt. I don’t want to be seen as being promiscuous though, so what do you suggest?
Sefinat,
By E-mail
Dear Sefinat,
It’s true we should all strive to do what makes us happy, but unfortunately, this is not what you’re doing right now. Through your sad experience with one man, you’ve drawn a shocking conclusion about every man on earth!

This is where you’re making a big mistake – that and the fact that your method in feeling wanted is really over the top!

It is all very well to sleep around (provided you take precautions) if it’s what you genuinely want. But doing it to prove a point, when you want something else, is not a good idea. Give yourself a reasonable time to get over your hurt and then re-examine your opinions.
I’m hanging on my virginity

Dear Bunmi,
I am in my early twenties, an undergraduate and a virgin. I’ve had a few boyfriends but they quickly leave when they realize sex wasn’t on the cards.

I am not against pre-marital sex for those who don’t see anything wrong with it, I just want to save myself for the man I’ll eventually marry but my friends laugh at me that I am living in dark ages and that no man will hang around long enough for marriage to have sex.

They even asked what would happen if we weren’t sexually compatible. I’m confused by all these questions but I’m happy being a virgin.
Elvina,
Jos

Dear Elvina,
There are many facts that contribute to a successful marriage and sex is one of them. Arranged marriages worked in the past because couples worked with the tools they had. If staying a virgin is your way of honouring the man you’ll eventually get married to, don’t be deterred by snide remarks from anybody. It is your life and when the right man comes along, you’d be glad you followed your heart.

She has a funny after-sex habit!

Dear Bunmi,
My girlfriend is great and we have satisfying sex all the time. The problem is, as she reaches a climax, my girl pushes me away and doesn’t want me to touch her any more even if I want to continue with the sex.

She knows how I feel about her attitude and would really want things to change but she says pushing me off after sex is a spontaneous thing for her. How can we overcome this?
Dan,
By E-mail

Dear Dan,
This is not an unusual problem. Genitals can be very sensitive after climax, the nerve ending actually hurt when touched. So its understandable that your girl doesn’t want to carry on making love. The solution?

Try taking a short break after your girl has climaxed to give her time to desensitize after which she will find it much easier to continue. Or you climax first and look for a way for her to climax any other way.

Whatever you do, encourage her not to push you away by being extra loving and explaining that you don’t want to lose her, because if you did, she wouldn’t have a sex life left to worry about.