By Bunmi Sofola

Dear Bunmi,
When my girlfriend informed me a few weeks ago she was having a period, I naturally assumed there wouldn’t be any sex for a few days. I was a bit uncomfortable when she started kissing and running her hands all over me. I told her she shouldn’t put my hopes up knowing we couldn’t have sex. But she saw no reason why we shouldn’t as it was normal for women to be horny when they’re on. I refused and she got angry. I think the idea is disgusting. Who do you think is right?
Godwin,
By E-mail

Dear Godwin,
When it comes to sexual preferences, no one’s right or wrong. Many people are happy to make love during their menstrual cycle while many are not.

Sadly, you and your girlfriend are at opposite extremes on this. I don’t think you should be disgusted by her suggestion, and she shouldn’t be angry that you wouldn’t  deliver. You need to find a compromise – for example, she could use a female contraceptive cap now available at reputable chemists though a lot of couples see no need for this especially when sex takes place when the flow is not heavy.

If you don’t have enough good feelings between you to work out a compromise that’ll suit both your sexual needs, then may be you are not compatible enough for you to be together.

Are we having too much sex?

Dear Bunmi,
I’m in my twenties and have a boyfriend I have a lot of affection for. My problem is that his sex drive is extremely high – we seem to be at it any opportunity we have to be together. I’m delighted that sex between us is so good but I’m worried about the frequency.  Do you think too much sex can make vagina loose?
Efun,
By E-mail

Dear Efun,
The vagina is a muscle and like any muscle, it will get stronger (and tighter) with use.  So having fun won’t loosen yours! However, all women can benefit from daily exercise to keep internal muscles in trim. So next time you’re peeing, notice the muscles you use to stop the flow – then squeeze and hold these muscles as often as you can, bringing the walls of your vagina together. Work up to 150 squeezes a day in batches of 10, and you will keep trim.

Could she be having sex at 15?

Dear Bunmi,
I have a 15-year-old daughter who I strongly suspect of having sex. She has a few friends she goes out with and some of them are boys. But she’s particularly fond of a 20-year- old guy who she visits from time to time. I know I would worsen the situation if I asked her to stop seeing this boy. But how can I know for sure if she’s having sex?
Juan,
E-mail

Dear Juan,
I suppose you’ve asked her and she’s naturally denied it. Your best bet is to check her room. Impressionable teens always doodle on bits of paper and at her age she won’t be able to stop herself noting down significant events with him in his diary. But what happens if what you inspect turns out to be true? I would tread softly if I were you. At 15, your daughter is at a rebellious stage and what you could do is give her as much counseling as you could. Also let her know you’re on her side and will always be there if anything goes wrony.

Could stress be responsible?

Dear Bunmi,
For a couple of years, my boyfriend and I have always had a great sex life. Recently though it’s become really painful for me. Now I’m seldom in the mood for sex as I know that when he enters me it will hurt. I’ve been very stressed lately because of some emotional issues I have to deal with. Could this be causing my problem?
Adaora,
By E-mail

Dear Adaora,
If intercourse suddenly starts to hurt, it’s likely to be from physical causes though psychology can also play an important part. You need to see your doctor for a check-up to rule out any physical problems. It’s quite possible you have a vaginal infection. If your doctor discovers this then your partner might also have to get checked out by his doctor.

Dryness can also cause painful sex, so concentrate on plenty of foreplay and use a lubricant, such as K- Y. As you rightly suspected, sex may be making you tense. If so, take time to relax before sex. Lastly, you need to sort out any relationship issues that could be causing you to resist lovemaking, so sort any problems now.

Is he too old for viagra?

Dear Bunmi,
I used to enjoy sex with my husband of almost 50 years until recently when he has trouble getting an erection. Sex before then used to be maybe once a month and it brought us enough satisfaction.
Do you think Viagra could give our sex life a boost? He’s now 75 years old.
Mariam,
Aja.

Dear Mariam,
It’s certainly cheering news that you have an active sex life at your age, enough to help your husband find a helping hand! There’s no reason why he shouldn’t take Viagra, provided he doesn’t suffer problems like severe heart disease, and isn’t taking some types of heart tablets. Your husband should ask his doctor and with any luck, he’ll soon have that gleam back in his eyes!

I want this cad out of my life

Dear Bunmi,
Throughout the three years I’ve known this man, he always cheated on me. He even sends me dirty text messages meant for other women! I always take him back in spite of his emotional cruelty to me. I hate myself for being his doormat and am at a loss as to what to do about his behaviour. I need to move on with my life. Please help.
Rosemary,
By E-mail

Dear Rosemary,
Your man is nothing but a love rat! He’s not committed to you and as long as you keep on taking him back, you join the list of women he uses from time to time.

Hubby resents my male friend

Dear Bunmi,
When I met my current husband, he knew I was close friends with a male colleague and he wasn’t worried about this. He’d even met him a few times. Now we’re married however, he accused me of having an affair with him. I’m not, but now he’s pushing me to meet my friend in secret and I don’t want to.
Eunice,
By E-mail.

Dear Eunice,
Marriage changes things for a lot of people. For your husband, it means he doesn’t expect you to spend time with male friends. The fact that you are doing just that makes him think there’s more to this than meets the eye. Could he be right? This friend must be very important to you if you’re lying to your husband to keep seeing him.

Cut your losses and look for a man who would respect you and give you back your self esteem. Begin by seeing other people and close friends who’ll take your mind off this man. Don’t rush into another relationship unless you’re sure of the man’s feelings.

My love for him is dwindling

Dear Bunmi,
After over six months with my boyfriend, I don’t know if I love him as much as when we started going out. He doesn’t like my friends and he doesn’t like me going out on my own. I know he will be devastated if I finish with him; and his family who love me to bits, will feel disappointed. He is really serious about the relationship and talks all the time about when we get married. Should I get out now before it’s too late?
Tobi
By E-mail

Dear Tobi,
Certainly. Once you have doubts about a relationship, marriage should be the farthest thing on your mind. Don’t forget you’ve only been seeing each other for six months, and after this relatively small amount of time, you’re already having serious doubts.

If he’s making these demands on you when you’re not sure of him, what will he decide he doesn’t like next when you’re eventually married? As for his family, there is absolutely nothing stopping you from keeping in touch with them if you really want to. Afterall, it’s not them you’re dumping – it’s him.