By Bunmi Sofola

For close to three years, Faith, a married woman with two children was living the dream of  most women – a well grounded husband and a rich lover. “My husband was kind, loving and very practical in nature,” Faith  had said. “He’s  my best friend and an outstanding father.

Sadly, he wasn’t all that hot in bed -which is where Tunji, my lover came in. He kept me sexually satisfied. We had a loving relationship that was sex-based, the reason I was able to compartmentalize the two relationships. They existed comfortably side-by-side and I was contented both emotionally and sexually for close to three years.

“When Tunji became the AGM Production of the firm he worked for, his fortunes changed. So did mine. Thanks to his new muscles, I got a few mouth-watering contracts and money was no longer my problem. My lover’s marriage was on its last leg, so I had little guilt about being unfaithful with another woman’s husband and mine had no idea that I had another sexual partner.

There wasn’t any risk of any sexually transmitted diseases because we always used condoms. I was still in this euphoric state when Tunji’s official residence became available for him to move in. He didn’t want to move in with his wife, he told me it was me he wanted. He said he’d toyed with the idea of me leaving my husband for years and that now money wasn’t a problem and we had only three children between us, I should think seriously about it. I’d never been aware of this his secret with as he’d never voiced these feelings to me and I was confused. How do you tell a loving husband you were leaving him when all he’d done was love you?

“I loved Tunji and the lifestyle he now lived. A whole house lavishly furnished and a pool of cars. all that was holding me back was a marriage to a man I didn’t really love! But I was at a crossroads and the goal posts have now been changed, I  had deluded myself that with my position as a legal secretary, I’d turned what was usually a messy, emotive situation into an ordered, manageable one where I felt completely in control. I’d reckoned without Tunji’s feelings and I had serious thinking to do.

“In the end I told my husband I no longer loved him and wanted to leave. He was shocked.
I felt like a heartless bitch as I watched him crumple before my eyes, begging me to try and save our marriage. Tunji wasn’t having any of that. With his muscles, he got some policemen who helped packed my things whilst my husband watched with amazement. I quickly settled in with Tunji and sued for divorce. My ex didn’t even contest anything – he was too numbed. He  just wanted access to his two children. Tunji and I later got married and had a son. Then the bubble burst. This happened about seven years after I moved in with him.

“Tunji didn’t see the disaster coming. New members were brought on board and they decided on a shake up. Tunji was retired with what they thought was a golden handshake.

He got an impressive lump sum that  ran into millions and he was asked to keep two of the cars. We had to vacate the house so that the young back stabber who plotted his downfall could move in  luckily, I had a small bungalow we could move into as Tunji’s sprawling mansion was still under construction. He was a bit too old to be looking for paid employment – not the kind that would pay the salary he was earning. He tried his hand on business, but no luck. People he thought would help were secretly happy he’d got his come-uppance. the few contracts he got didn’t give him enough profit to live on and he dipped more and more into his severance pay.

“For a while we had to rely on my salary but it was hard. Tunji had to sell his half-completed building and invested a huge chunk of  the money – in shares. Don’t let me bore you about what havoc the fall of the stock market wreaked on our finances. A few months ago, I ran into my ex-husband and he strode confidently towards  me. “Are you happy now?’ he spat. He’d had to rescue” the kids from being expelled from their posh secondary schools by paying their fees.

He’d also insisted they came to live with him and his new wife and I had no choice but to agree. He actually gave me a pitying look as he shook his head sadly at me  then he walked away without waiting for my response, I wished the ground would open up so I could sink inside!

“I have had plenty of time to think about the bad choice I made and I have no one to blame for my predicament but myself. I once prided myself on being able to put people into boxes and closing one while opening the other. I didn’t reckon with Tunji’s laboring under the illusion that  my love for him wasn’t just physical. Unfortunately, when I eventually had to choose, greed played a great part in my decision. I still have my job but Tunji is so depressed he’s thinking of relocating abroad. His ex-wife is happy and doing well on her own. She said after what she went through with Tunji, no man was worth another effort with her. What a lot of sadness and resentment for everybody in this love fiasco just because of a rash decision on my side!

HOW  DOES YOUR MARRIAGE MEASURE  UP?

Why settle for less passion than you deserve? To help you identify what’s great and what is not in your sex life, write down whether each of the following statements is ‘always’, often,?  ‘sometimes’,  or ‘never true’

1. I believe I turn my partner on sexually.

2. I allow myself to really let go in bed and experience extreme pleasure.

3. When sexual problems come up, I take responsibility for my role in them and don’t
just blame my partner.

4. My partner and I make time for regular love-making despite both being very busy.

5. My partner is sensitive to my sexual needs.

6. I feel happy, loved and emotionally close to my partner after sex.

7. Sex is a red-hot adventure for us, not just a pleasant pastime.

8. I  enjoy sharing sexual fantasies with my partner.

9. We touch intimately even when we’re not having sex.
10. I’m willing to try new sexual techniques to stimulate passion.

Scoring: Give yourself three points for each time you answered ‘always’ two points for ‘often’, one point for
‘sometimes’ and no points for ‘never’. Below, read what your total means.

24-30 points: You are comfortable expressing passion. You can be open, vulnerable, and intimate with your partner- in and out of bed. Your love-making is often intense and adventurous.

16-23 points: While passion has cooled a bit, you still desire each other. With more attention to intimacy, you can
easily make sex more exciting again.

8-15 points: Many couples score in this range. you may be afraid to express your desires or take the risk of
breaking old patterns. Make an effort to re-establish  intimacy – you start by asking your partner to do this quiz
and then share responses.

0-7 Points: Crisis, you’re feeling sexually frustrated and have trouble expressing passion  with your partner. Seek
help from trusted friends or a sex therapist.

– Adapted from: Love secrets For A lasting Relationship by H. Bloom-field.

GENTLEMEN OF THE PRESS …. (HUMOUR)

“SPIKE” Warren was not only the toughest character in town, but he had a particular  grievance against the Daily
Blast. When the Blast editor sent his greenest cub reporter out to interview “Spike” therefore; the staff sat back
to await developments. They were soon forthcoming. The cub phoned the editor and said: “When Warren found out who I was, he punched me in the nose and kicked me downstairs”. “Damn it all and go up again”, roared the editor.

Fifteen minutes later, the cub was back on the phone, though his voice was feebler. “This time”, he reported,
“Warren knocked out three of my teeth, blackened both eyes, and kicked me downstairs again”.

“He did, did he?” shouted the editor. “Well, you just keep going back till he gives you an interview. I’ll teach
that yellow s.of.b. that he can’t intimidate me!”