By Debbie Ogunjobi
The greatest worry my teachers had about me in my younger days was my restlessness. I just couldn’t sit still, and my mind wondered non-stop all the time. My work was always done in a rush and was either submitted with seconds to spare or a bit late.

I recently researched all my earlier behavioural traits and patterns and if I had lived anywhere in the west presently I would have been diagnosed with a severe case of attention deficit disorder. The major difference between me and the classic cases was that I wasn’t disruptive; if anything, I preferred the solitude of my own company. I was obsessed with reading as soon as I learnt how to and I lived in the library.

No genre of literature was off limits and the more I read, the more reluctant I was to pay attention to the sciences. Many decades later, a lot has changed and thankfully I was not treated for A.D.D, knowing what I know now, I was just an unhappy child. I didn’t like my own reality so I tended to lapse into day dreams and fantasies that made life better.

Most people who can’t keep still simply don’t want to face their thoughts so they avoid it by rushing through everything without feeling anything. The result is an addiction to the exhilaration and adrenalin of new and exciting things and an abandonment of everything stable that requires commitment to endure. It can begin in early childhood and can actually last a life time if care is not taken.

The term “a rolling stone that gathers no moss” is an apt description. I remember having a conversation with my cousin, Henry, a few years back, complaining about something and him telling me not to give in to the instinct to run. I had been involved in a project that initially was very exhilarating but was beginning to settle into a routine.

I was at that point about to cut and run but his words got me to take a look at the situation and I did what he considered the “grown-up thing”; I committed more time and effort into that situation.

The greatest accomplishment of my emotional journey in life so far has to be the turnaround from restless motor child to a calm adult. It hasn’t happened because of any spontaneous event, it was a slow process of slowing down to confront my issues head-on. I laid claim to the ownership of all my feelings from the spectrum of joy to the other side of sorrow. I stopped running and took time to feel.

I still enjoy adrenalin but I have accepted the reality of its fleeting nature and I have weaned myself off its addictive highs. I still sometimes wish I could press a fast forward button during painful periods but I know now that pain is better dealt with than postponed; besides I always comfort myself with the words “this too shall pass.”

What most people don’t know is that refusing to deal with pain and any turmoil is simply storing up disaster; like an ominous cloud, it will rain torrentially. I’ve had my share of torrential emotional downpours and it has taught me to own my pain, face my demons and slow down enough to experience life in all its ramifications and complexities.

If truth be told, I also had a fear that my restlessness would be my undoing in life. I was very good at a lot of things but paid attention to nothing. With a 5 octave range from as little as six  years most people expected I was a born singer but I wasn’t committed to singing. My imagination meant I have been writing stories for as long as I can remember but I am yet to finish a single book.

I have an almost photographic memory and with a few grants at play, I could have had a wonderful career in academia but I couldn’t commit. The list goes on and on, so, it is no small accomplishment to record milestones. Fifteen years ago, I started a business and as I sat down with a friend for an interview celebrating the 15th anniversary of its existence; the one thing I could say was a heartfelt thank you to God; that I did something consistently for 15 years. Who would believe the restless butterfly, who didn’t have a single goal or purpose did something for 15 years?

In weakness can come strength and even achievement. I was not unaware of my shortcomings, but God was generous with his grace so that his strength was made perfect in my weakness. Fifteen years ago, I could never have predicted this milestone; I was tempted to sell or even quit a few times but I am thankful for the gift of tenacity.

I could not have imagined the number of branches and sheer goodwill the company enjoys and I marvel at it all. No one expected much from me, I didn’t expect much from me because I was as disappointed with myself for my short successes and lack- lustre attitude to life as everyone else.  In my younger years, I didn’t have a clue what and who I wanted to be but here I am thriving in business.

I believe there are lot of people like my young self, who lack focus and feel weak but there’s hope. I wasn’t the best at anything so I felt invisible and irrelevant but just like in Gideon’s case; God can use the wise foolish things of this world to confound the wise. So, to God be all the glory for even greater milestones to come.