Dear Bunmi,
I’m 26 years old and single with a job I love. My problem is sex – I’m obsessed with it and think about it all the time. I find myself fantasizing about women I meet on the bus or in the street and sometimes I’m late for work because I’m looking at girls in magazines at home and wanking off. What can I do?
Jacob
By e-mail

Dear Jacob,
You are currently locked in a very destructive cycle. At orgasm, the brain releases feel good endorphin which can give you a temporary high if you’re feeling stressed or down. The danger is sex then becomes an easy release from these problems rather than dealing with their root cause.

You need to find an experienced counselor you can talk to. In the meantime, get a grip on your emotions, don’t keep those magazines where they could be easily accessible to you. Find a girlfriend and go out more.

I prefer this toyboy to my fiancé

Dear Bunmi,
I am in my forties and set to get married to a divorced man in the same age-bracket. It would be a first marriage for me though I have a daughter and my fiancé had three kids from his first marriage. I ran into Mike, a thirty-something year-old-man at a party and we got on very well. He knew my fiancé. In fact he said they were second cousins.

We’ve had a couple of outings and he is an amazing lover. But it’s not all about sex, he makes me laugh, and I feel young with him. I’m no longer in love with my fiancé and would love to leave him but I’m scared our love won’t last due to the age difference.
Biona
By e-mail

Dear Biona
It’s flattering to have a man that much younger show you some attention. True, you might have discovered your spiritual soulmate, but you need to think carefully about what you’re doing. This isn’t just any other man, this is his cousin. Imagine how upset he will be when he finds out. People have affairs for many different reasons. Sometimes, it is to hasten the end of a failing relationship, sometimes it is a moment of madness or a need for some attention. You may have found true love but be sure before you throw away your relationship.

If you decide you really want to get out of your engagement, your fiancé may not need to know you’ve been unfaithful with a family member at first. Your new relationship should be able to survive a few quiet months as you finish your old liaison. Then once the dust has settled, you’ll be free to be open about your new love. Just because he’s younger does not mean your love can’t survive, but you have to remember he’s got a lot of living to do to catch up with you. Be prepared for some criticism from his family at first, but stick together and you’ll win them over when they see that you’re happy.

No sex life after accident

Dear Bunmi,
I had a car accident four months ago which damaged my back and badly broke my leg. My long term girlfriend has been very supportive but obviously our sex life has been non-existent. We’re due to go on our annual vacation soon and I intend to seek further medical help.

My girlfriend is really excited about this holiday. She keeps showing me sexy underwear she’s bought for our holiday and I feel sorry I wouldn’t be up to the sex she’s obviously looking forward to. How can I tell her I am too tired for sex?
Tony
By e-mail

Dear Tony,
You must tell her how you feel before you leave or she’ll feel totally rejected and upset when her dreams fall flat. While full sex may not be an option, you could kiss, cuddle or even enjoy foreplay with a little oral sex.
Let her know you need to slowly build up a sex life again. It will take time but have fun exploring each other until you get back on track.