By Tony Ubani
E be like child wey dey play. My phones begin ring like person wey don win election to enter into Senate. As I dey try pik am, anoda call go jam and knock am out.

All those wey dey call wan know weda I don become witch or papa wizard to fly to UK after work on Wednesday. I left office around 8.30 p.m. Thiefs, 419ners wey dem baptismal name na Hackers don send message using my email say, me, Tony Ubani dey stranded in UK. Dat I lose my purse, no come get money.

Dem wan make my friends send 1,500 Pounds. Imagine de likeness! I laugh like Zebrudaya wen Ovuleria provoke am. I know my friends, even my brodas and sistas. Dem go prefer to send money say I don die and dem wan carry my corpse go back to village dan to help me for losing my money.

Hackers don match aboki shit. Hot one! Our Editor, Mideno Bayagbon first call me to know weda I don join YAHOO boys. Trust Niger Delta man. Hem reply dem to come collect the money for hand. So dat em go kidnap dem make more money. Our GM, Gbenga Adefaye look me for eye to know ef I wan do jigbiti. As odas dey sympathize with me, odas dey yab me weda na for old age I wan begin 419?

Chuks Ugwuoke, Onochie Anibeze, Eze Anaba, Simon Ekpe, Adekunle Salami, Ben Alaiya, Harry Iwuala, Adokiye Amiesimaka, Dan Ngerem, Chike Arisa(Holland), Henry Ebem(USA), Aniete, Francisca Ndudim, Thami Xusa(South Africa), Pius Ayinor, Femi Solaja, Taiye Ige, plus oda etchalm people. Na wa o! Naija still dey make progress from behind. But how thief go come thief thief? May be becos dem don dey see my name for newspaper and see my coconuthead for TV, dem think say I don follow chop Naija cake.

Na big mistake. Una don attract condemnation unto unasef. Edumare go punish una, Kamalu go strike una. Anybodi wey claim to pay money to dis thieves na bigger thief.
My new email na tony_ubani@yahoo.com
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Yeye Tony,

Eagles don continue to lose. Abi dem no dey tire to lose matches. We don tire to watch dem

Okafor Nkemakolam
Losing na dem hobby. Wetin you wan make dem do? Ef dem win, FIFA go suspend Naija. Hahahah!
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Tony,

Dem say na only Madam naim promise Falconets scholarship. Wetin President Promise dem?

0805736980

President promise dem Goodluck bifor dem travel. As dem come back, em still busy dey tour Naija to know weda to contest or not contest. Dat one dey important pass small girls wey dey chase object round the field. Up Naija!
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Oga Tony,

Wetin dey bite Amodu where Siasia tanda? E don collect em money and scatter Naija football. Make em close mouth and enjoy em life. Lef Siasia alone.

Doris Ukandu

Amodu still dey sleep wake up. Em neva know say time don leave am behind. Na bad belle. Amodu don forget say Siasia beat am roundly for interview bifor dem carry come put as head coach. We too forget easily.
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Send your Outraged mails to tony_ubani@yahoo.com or 08050498547. Dat former one don become history.