– the funloving, but hardworking single parent

By Treena Kwenta
Hi readers! Sometimes I’m glad I’m not into a second marriage. No kidding, and no bad belle!

As regular readers of this page know, of all the gals, only Becky in still in the same marriage contracted long ago, and is still thriving. Mind you, it rocked seriously several times, but it steadied when her husband discovered God and decided to remain on God’s side.

We all heaved a sigh of relief when he became born-again. Our relief was because we didn’t want it to seem that our group was made up  of ladies with broken homes. That’s not a good image,  no matter how emancipated and ‘with it’ we are.

Boma didn’t have a broken home, her beloved FD passed on of a sudden illness when he was in his  mid thirties. Luckily, she met another good man who happened to be a widower, and they’re happy together.

Liz thought her ‘made in heaven’ marriage was for a life time, but sadly, it ended in divorce. Again, luckily, she found love  in Uka, a divorced man, and they’re happy together.

Tayo and I met our spouses while we were teenagers in Britain. We married them, returned home, and the happy and loving marriages we had, shattered, ending in divorce.

Tayo could have got married if she wanted, but as she made money and acquired lots of property, it became difficult for her to know who loved her for herself, and who wanted her because of her wealth. Poor lady!

Treena didn’t have that problem. I’ve always lived strictly on my earnings, and Seb supported me and our children with a generous allowance, so, I live a passably comfortable life. I don’t have the surplus, or property that can become a snare in my life.  No extra money to attract men.

I did fall in love with one of the most loving and romantic men in the world, but the old dear couldn’t pluck up the courage to tie the knot with me, so, we remained engaged till he passed on. His demise killed any passion I might have for re-marrying or even for a romantic relationship, so, I’m occupied with other interesting things, like keeping this column for you, my appreciated readers.

I said I’m glad I’m not into a second marriage because of what Liz is going through at the moment. Her husband, Uka, has two sons and one daughter, and Liz has four children for her first husband. Together, they don’t have any issue.

Now,  Uka’s daughter is getting married here in Lagos, and turbulence is brewing. His first wife, the mother of all his children, is saying that she won’t attend if Liz is a part of any of the ceremonies.

Relationship between her and Liz hasn’t been cosy, understandably, even though Liz wasn’t the reason her marriage broke up. In fact, before Liz, Uka had been briefly married to a Ghanaian lady when he was on secondment to his company’s branch in Accra. They had a son who died, and when it was time to return to Nigeria, the lady refused to come here with him. She told him she didn’t like the way his relatives who visited him in Ghana, treated her as a non-issue in the home, and she was sure they would behave worse if she were to come live in Lagos. Sadly, he had to return alone. Later, he got served divorce papers and the marriage was over.

Liz came into his life several years afterwards. But the way his first wife who also went on to have another failed marriage behaves, you’d think that he had committed adultery with Liz while still in their marriage.  The gals advised Liz to keep cool since the woman resides in her hometown in Asaba most of the time, and it was obvious her resentment is because Uka loves her (Liz) very much.

She heeded the advice and concentrated on her home. The ‘Introduction’ of this Uka’s first daughter was done at the couple’s house in Dolphin Estate last year. As usual, the gals were supportive and we all attended, taking coolers of food and drinks to support our friend.

It was a shock to us when Tayo and I discovered that Uka’s first wife had been one of our primary school classmates here in Lagos. It was Tayo who recognized her. She went over to confirm this, and came to tell me. I looked and it was indeed the Clarissa we had known.

I went over for a chat with her and she responded well. The three of us went outside to go down memory lane. It was laughs all through as we remembered our teachers, fellow pupils, etc.

Coolness developed later when it was time to introduce family members and friends present, and Uka proudly introduced the gals, who he referred to as  ‘The 5 Muscateers’, a group to which ‘the gem in my crown, Liz, belongs’.

As he was saying this, he pulled Liz to himself and hugged her. Wrong move, if you ask me, since Liz wasn’t the mother of the bride, and little attention should be given her at the occasion. But then, you know how ex-husbands or ex-wives can behave when they want to make their exes uncomfortable; maybe to repay them for a past hurt or so. Even though Uka is a well-bred, decent and polite person, I suppose he wasn’t above such er, sorry, pettiness.

You can imagine the effect on Clarissa.  Her countenance changed at once with anger, and for the rest of the time, she ignored Tayo and me completely, not bothering to mention to the gathering, that to her delight, her childhood school mates were present, even though on the other side, Tayo and I were disappointed.  In her shoes, we would have proudly taken recognition of our ex-school mate.

When the ceremony was over, I was outraged when Tayo suggested we should go over and say ‘goodbye’ to her.

“Tayo dear, you’re on your own there,” I told her promptly. “Didn’t you notice how she was eyeing us with resentment throughout? That’s apart from failing to announce us as her ex school mates. You want to give her an opportunity to rubbish us in front of all these people? No, thank you.”

“Come on, Treena, be a sport. This is a classmate we haven’t seen since our childhood days. How many times do you have the opportunity to come across such people? Let’s go over like the enlightened ladies you and I are, and bid her ‘goodbye’.”

“Why not let her come over and bid us ‘goodbye’?” I asked. “Let her show us that she cares.”

“We’re the hostesses, along with our friend, Liz, who’s the madam of this house.  You can’t fall down and die if she eyes us again. Look, she’s going to her car. Let’s go.”

Reluctantly, I followed Tayo outside. Luckily, she had got into her car, and the driver was pulling away when we came to the road.  As they drove past us, Tayo smiled and attempted a wave, but Clarissa only glared at us and didn’t respond.

“At least, we behaved like civilized ladies,” Tayo said, as we went back into the house to help Liz serve the other guests.

With that incident at the Introduction, I wasn’t surprised to hear that Clarissa didn’t want Liz to be a part of her daughter’s wedding.

After that public display of affection that Uka put up at the Introduction, it’s normal that she didn’t want a repeat performance at the traditional wedding and the white wedding. Both are to take place here in Lagos as Uka didn’t want to subject his friends and in-laws to the inconvenience of  travelling on bad roads all the way from here to his village in Delta State.

Naturally, Uka wants his Liz to be part of the ceremonies, just as he gave Liz support when her daughter got married. Liz’s ex-husband ignores him totally when they meet, but at least he didn’t ban him from the venues of the ceremonies. His own current wife sat behind him, while Uka sat behind Liz at both events. He and Liz had to sit together and present a united front there as parents of the bride.

It would be very odd indeed if Liz were absent at Uka’s own daughter’s wedding. When Liz discussed Clarissa’s threat with the gals, we told her that in the interest of peace, she should keep away.

“That was what I told Uka,” she said, “but he was furious that I should even consider such a thing. In fact, he felt insulted. He asked how his wife can be absent from his daughter’s wedding. Wouldn’t people think that there’s no harmony in his home? Oh, I don’t know.”

“Poor you!” said Becky. “I understand Uka’s point, but what if Clarissa decides to humiliate you at the events by coming to ask you to leave the venue? That would be terrible.”

“So, that means that those two gorgeous outfits we have taken for the two events would be wasted,” was my own contribution to the discussion.

Tayo, Becky and Boma, all descended heavily on me, saying that all I can think of is going to dazzle people with the latest outfits, instead of being sympathetic about our friend’s plight. I quickly apologized to Liz.

“Oh forget it, Treena dear,” she said. “I would probably think along those lines too, even if I don’t say it aloud. Another thing is that Nkechi, who’s very good friends with my daughter would be upset if I don’t attend.”

“Who’s Nkechi?” asked Boma.

“Uka’s daughter. The bride. You remember that all his kids lived with us while their mother was abroad in her second failed marriage.  We all had a passably good relationship then.”

“Really? Then you must be at the weddings. We’ll come along and support you,” said Tayo.

You should see the smile and relief on my face. Now, we can go knock people out with our classy and expensive outfits.

Tara.