By Helen Ovbiagele, Woman Editor
The reactions of many readers to the piece we put out the other week on Violence against women, showed that both the United Nations and the NGOs working on women’s issues, are recording some amount of success in sensitizing the world on this terrible act.
From our readers’ views, it seems Nigerians are gradually becoming convinced that acts of violence against women is wrong, even though some men believe that it’s the women who invite it by their behaviour and their mode of dressing.
I think this mind-set is sad because even if a woman is not related to you in any way, a man should respect a woman and be protective of her, whatever her age or social status, because he was born of a woman.

Think of the mystery of a human being, incubated in a woman’s womb for several months, and then at great pain and danger to the woman’s life, that human being is brought forth to populate the world.  No big deal?   It is a big deal!  Let men swop roles with the women and be the ones who bring forth babies.

I’m sure the rest of the world will have to treat them delicately  like eggs; no bruising, no battering.  And even then; can they deliver on that role?  Judging by the way they rule the world, I shudder to think of the sort of human beings they will raise for the nations!  The hand that rocks the cradle is a woman’s.

Through all the hazards of raising a child, a woman remains committed.  Maybe not all women, but most women.   Why then would anyone want to inflict pains on a woman, be it verbal or physical?  Why is it that it is the woman, (defenceless as she is), who is the one attacked whenever there’s discontent or war in a nation, or between nations?  Why should the woman be demeaned and debased, whatever the excuse?  There seems to be this inexplicable instinct in some men to attack women.

Some of us believe that God has a reason for creating woman and making her the avenue for bringing human beings into the world, so, a nation that wickedly maltreats and debases women could lose its blessings.

Every male should be keen on helping the female-folk build up their self-respect, by not treating them in a degrading and disgraceful manner, either in their homes, or outside the home.  What a happy world we would live in if this is achieved!

We thank all those readers who took the trouble to write or text in their views.

‘Madam, husbands that beat up their wives or abuse them verbally, are simply mad.  They are crazy, because they tend to forget that their wives bear and nurture their children, cook for them, wash their clothes, keep their houses clean and keep them warm on their beds. This sort of men should be detained in Psychiatric hospitals until they are cured of their madness and finally jailed for assault and battery, to serve as a deterrent to others.
—Ifeka Okonkwo’

‘Madam, your topic ‘Violence Against Women’ is very interesting, but don’t forget that most women nowadays have lost their value, unlike women of your time (in the eighties).  Let them first restore their value so they will earn their respect as mothers of all; though, that doesn’t justify violence against them.  —AL-MEK, Eket.’

‘Aunt Helen, I sympathize about violence against women, but I was well brought up by my mum.  I don’t indulge in all the vices you mentioned.  Mothers should train their sons not to be the beasts of tomorrow. ‘

‘Sister Helen: In addition to advocacy and continuous education of the populace on the evils of violence against women, our psychologists should establish clinics for research and treatment of reported cases.
—Layi.’

‘I read your column on ‘Violence Against Women’. When a woman respects herself, she begets respect.  Also, those who disrespect women mostly have self-esteem issues.’

‘Madam, thanks for those points in your write-up on ‘Violence Against Women’. May the Lord continue to guide you to support the cause of women and family life.  Amen.  The problem globally is that most men need to hurt or suppress the female-folk before they can feel confident and great in themselves.  Many are born with low self esteem.  Thus you find out that they crave for admiration from the female-folk.

If they feel they are in no position to command that respect and admiration, then they have to force it out of women. This is silly because battered women often  despise their batterers even though they may appear afraid of them.  Sorry, sometimes, women themselves are to be blamed, because some mothers so idolize their male child and place him so far above the female child that he expects to be worshiped by girls and women wherever he goes.

If he doesn’t get his way with women, then he turns violent.  Women should make it a point to raise their sons to be humble, responsible, achieving and to show respect to women; even total strangers.
—Mrs. Daniel,  Lagos.

Madam Helen, would you show respect to these half-clad, insolent and wayward girls who parade themselves all over the place, simply asking for their bodies to be violated?  Would you respect those ladies, even married ones, who are prepared to do anything to get a contract?  I’m not a bitter jilted bachelor, or a woman-hater.

I’m a responsible and respected husband, father, and grand father.  I don’t condone violence of any sort, let  against women, whatever their offence, but let parents raise their girl child to be confident in themselves, and to respect their bodies, be polite, cheerful and responsible.

I’m not rich, but I’ve instilled in my two daughters, who are now married, the need to respect themselves and other people, and to do things which would earn them respect.  As for violence in the home, by example, I’ve brought up my sons not to hit anyone; least of all a female.

Violence against women on the street will be greatly curbed if the uniformed people are not involved themselves, even in a riot or war situation, and the law  seriously punishes anyone caught violating girls.  Don’t those who do such wicked acts of violence have females in their families?   Will they be happy if their female relation suffers from such an act?  Thanks.
—Pa Thinkgood, Port Harcourt.’
Helen, my sister, it’s because we live in a world dominated by the male-folk that acts of violence against women continue to be on the increase.  They are at the helm of affairs everywhere, and they’re doing nothing to protect women.

Acts of violence against women, as you know, includes obnoxious widowhood rites which the male use women to perform on their fellow women; female circumcision which is dangerous and debasing, domestic rape whereby a man takes his wife by force, when the act is supposed to be by mutual consent, whatever the relationship; incest, and violating under-aged little girls.

Some young ladies who have been violated while young, are afraid to go into a relationship and get married.  Some become sexually promiscuous as a result of it, as they despise their bodies, and keep on going from one man to the other.  Verbal abuse can hurt as much as physical abuse, and sometimes even more; depending on the tongue of the man.

Some beautiful and/or achieving women have been so verbally abused by their spouses or partners that they have lost their self-confidence and have become a shadow of themselves.  Solution?  The government should take any proven case of domestic violence and street violence on women seriously and jail the perpetrators.

The police should stop telling battered wives ‘Madam, go home and settle with your oga.  You women too do, sef.’  Apportioning blame to the woman or trivializing the pains she’s been inflicted is part of the reason most cases of battering are not reported.
Thanks
— Tina.