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Revisiting Beijing

As we celebrate the International Women’s Day tomorrow, two incidents in the last two weeks gave me a wake-up call. First, I met a female politician who was denied her party’s ticket to the state House of Assembly because a veteran Politician, who is an octogenarian and a lead actor in the second republic, does not deem a woman fit to represent the constituency. According to the lady, the baba told her in clear terms that a woman cannot represent his constituency and that included his daughters.

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Why I prefer early marriage

I believe it is the prerogative of every adult to decide when to marry and who to get married to. I also believe that, as people in a free society with freedom of speech, parents have a duty to offer their children advice. Whether the advice is taken or jettisoned is a different matter. It is in exercise of this freedom that I called my two eldest children some time ago.

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Marriage: a do-or-die affair?

After a certain age, there is a concerted and deliberate pressure by society, especially in our part of the world, that an individual must get married. To be properly accepted or integrated in the society after a certain age, regardless of the mental, physical or psychological preparedness or condition, one must be coupled as a man or woman. For the woman especially, the biological clock is an important factor which must not be ignored as procreation is considered sacred.

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Changing times

I always spend quality time with my octogenarian mother each time I travel home. I enjoy her company. I also made up my mind sometime ago that it is better to shower your love, time and resources on loved ones while they are alive so that if they die before you, all you will feel is that deep sense of loss, not regret over what you could have done that you did not do.

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“Supreme betrayal”

The first time a woman came to us with a complaint that her husband was sexually abusing their three children—two girls and a boy—I told her: “Madam, two things, either you are mad to accuse your husband of such heinous deeds or your husband is mad to lay his hands on his own children.” Incest, specifically father-daughter liaison, has been with humankind for a long time. Lot not only slept with but deflowered his two daughters (please leave the drunkenness details for another day. Deflowering two virgins in two successive days without being conscious of the act must be one of the mysteries in the Bible) Genesis 19: 32-35.

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Happy Spouse Day to Super Spouses

Monday, January 26, is another Spouse Day, a day set aside to celebrate and honour our spouses. It is a day when we should not only tell our spouses we appreciate them, but show it. Actually we should appreciate our spouses always; this day is only meant to draw attention to the need to appreciate our spouses. I dedicate this year’s Spouse Day to some super spouses. The first group of super spouses is those who have stuck to their spouses through childlessness.

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Spousal Rage

My hard-line views on LGBT (lesbians, gays, bisexuals and transgenders) notwithstanding, I sympathise with brand expert, Kenny Badmus, who is gay and HIV positive. According to Badmus, who is going through a divorce with his wife: “After six years together, I knew I was not getting any better. I still loved men. And one day, because I didn’t want to cheat on her, I humbly asked her that we should go our separate ways. That was when all hell broke loose. She suddenly forgot about how it all started.

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Thank you, parents-in-law

You cannot be a complete person until you learn to empathise, that is, put yourself in the position or situation of others. I have always loved and respected my parents-in-law since I met them; they are nice people and we are now one family. Moreover they allowed me marry their daughter without any hassles even though I was a complete stranger when I met them.

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Some thoughts for newlyweds

The Christmas season has also become a time for solemnisation of marriages. Many couples are getting married this season. It is all so nice seeing young couples; immaculately dressed, apparently happy, feeling fulfilled, sometimes relieved, smiling into the future with great hopes and expectations. It is wonderful to be surrounded by family, friends and well wishers, but it is momentary.

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Heal the family

This year has almost flown by. So soon Christmas is here again. Christmas has always meant different things to different people and will continue to be so. But two perceptions of the true meaning of Christmas form the basis of today’s column. The first is “Christmas time is family time”, while the second is “Christmas season is a time for healing and reconciliation.”

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How much are children worth?

John came back from his village recently. For some reasons he has not been there since the new millennium. His trip was a mixed bag: happy to be back to his root, but came away with a cultural shock: Many of his relatives and age mates had 10 or more children with some having many wives. But that was not his concern; his concern was that many of them are poor and unemployed, with those employed not earning more than N15, 000 monthly. “What goes on in these people’s minds? How do you just breed without thinking about how to cater for them?

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