…We want to unburden men’s pain – Amb Toyo

By Ike Uchechukwu, CALABAR

Faith based leaders, youth representatives, gender advocates and community stakeholders gathered in Calabar, for a one-day summit, advocating roles of males as it borders on gender based violence (GBV).

Organized by the Gender and Development Action (GADA), with support from the Ford Foundation, stakeholders raised rising concerns for Churches and families to play significant roles on rising GBV as it relates to male responsibility in the society.

The summit themed, “Male Responsibility for Transformation of Harmful Social Norms that Perpetuate Gender-Based Violence,” brought together religious leaders, youth groups, and women leaders to explore how the church and family can nurture boys to become non-violent, empathetic men.

Reverend James Igwiro, Coordinator of the Christian Association of Nigeria (CAN) Calabar Municipality, emphasized that true transformation starts at home.

According to him, “The male child must be groomed with the fear of God, for if a male child must be a man and play his role in the actual sense, then that child must be well equipped,” adding that, “when a male child is well groomed, the issue of violence will go away.”

He warned against shifting parental responsibilities to religious institutions, as the first and very important part of the training is the family.

Igwiro remarked that, “when the family loses it, don’t transfer it to the church as the pastor is not a magician.”

Special Adviser on Religious Matters to the Cross River governor, Apostle Frank Umo, who stressed the need for structured biblical teaching on male conduct argued that, eighty percent of crimes in society including rape, robbery and Yahoo Yahoo, are championed by male youths, pointing out that, “the male child we train today is the armed robber we take out of the streets tomorrow.”

Umo encouraged pastors to develop dedicated programs for boys across all age groups in their churches, maintaining that, “we must teach our children obedience, cleanliness, and the value of work.”

He added, “let them know that to be a man, you don’t need to abuse or dominate anyone.”

CAN State Youth Leader, Pastor Obia Ikita, challenged male privilege and the cultural silence surrounding men’s emotional burdens.

His words: “We are here to preach against victimization of mostly the women and the male child, we grew up not being taught how to relate, we were told boys shouldn’t go to the kitchen, that’s wrong as we must reset that thinking.”

Ikita added, “There is no male spirit or female spirit. We are all one in Christ. The change must begin with fathers who create time to speak truthfully to their sons, not just discipline, but relationship.”

For Nkoyo Toyo, Founder of GADA and a leading voice in the Nigerian Women’s Rights Movement, the event represents a pivot in gender advocacy.

She said: “The most endangered of us all are the men,” admitting that, “When young men are unable to meet life’s expectations due to joblessness and poor support systems, they carry pain into their relationships, so we want to unburden that pain, and help them transform it.”

She explained that churches were specifically targeted for the intervention because of their structure and reach, reasoning that, the church remains a very organized institution that have youth and women groups. We’re catalyzing them to go back and rework harmful gender norms.”

Highpoint of the event was a documentary titled “Toxic Male Behaviour” as well as plenary discussions, experience-sharing panels, and breakout sessions.

The forum concluded with a call to action, urging churches to adopt curricula that promote responsible masculinity and empathy, and to engage boys in discussions around consent, respect and domestic roles.

As follow-up, churches across Calabar and beyond are expected to organize community-based discussions, integrate GBV teachings into Sunday School lessons, and initiate safe spaces for male youths to speak freely.