By Bunmi Sofola

GRACE is my ex-wife and Bisi my live-in-lover, what is commonly referred to as the second ‘wife’. Only, we’re not legally married as I can’t stand the messy details of divorce and it doesn’t help that both of them can’t stand each other.” Kola, a man of immense wealth and connection can comfortably keep as many homes as he wishes.

He continues: “Grace and I separated amicably after ten years of marriage and three children. I love my children and they all live in the family house while I moved into another house with Bisi.

“I loved Grace to distraction when we got married, but somewhere along the line, the passion just fizzled, and I realised I would still want to keep her friendship and her wise counselling. Apart from being intelligent and brilliant, she’s a wonderful mum. And those kids! They’re my life. Bisi on the other hand, is quiet and more reserved. I love her in my own way but I told her right from the word go that Grace and the children would always be part of me. At first she seemed to be alright with our arrangement, but now she’s accusing me of wanting my bread buttered on both sides…”

Like most philandering men, Kola believes in whatever would make him happy. He’d quite forgotten under which circumstances he met his beloved ‘quiet and reserved’ Bisi. “She’s more of a calculating bitch than quiet”, stormed Rita, the PA of Daniel, one of Kola’s business associates. “It is an open secret in the office that Daniel always engages in sexual acts with his female staff but Bisi was his favourite. He lives alone in his Government-funded homes where Bisi had a free reign. She was even known to always give Daniel the full Lewisky in the office whenever he felt like one. The creep enjoyed using his position of power for his sexual gratification, and exploiting the vulnerability of much younger female employees gave his perverted ego a boost.

“Apart from being my boss, he was a good family friend. He’d tried to be fresh with me but I always put him in his place. A few years ago, my husband got a political appointment when his predecessor died. A group of friends gave us a congratulatory party and my husband and I were welcoming guests when Kola showed up. My husband’s attention was briefly distracted and as he came through the door, he pushed me quite forcefully against the wall and put his hand up my skirt. I glared at him but he just shrugged and winked and carried on as if nothing had happened. But from that day, I realised what sort of a perverted creep he was.

“When Kola met Bisi in my boss’ office and made a play for her, I thought my boss would stop him. But then what would have been his excuse? Both of them were married and womanised freely. What was more, Bisi was getting too possessive and my boss was only happy for someone else to take her off his hands. But when we heard Kola was setting up home with Bisi and leaving his family in their family home, I was saddened. How could he throw Grace over for a trollop? Which goes to show that being too nice sometimes get you nowhere. And in spite of her new status, Bisi still works with Daniel – and Daniel gets the Lewisky treatment whenever he felt like.

What changed was he could never take her back to his official residence, or that’s what we all thought.

“Recently, my boss’s house became due for renovation. In the past, Bisi not only saw to the last (two three-year periodical renewals) she made personal supervisory visits. We thought that would be a thing of the past but no, she again got the go-ahead to supervise the current one. We were all outraged, especially when Kola came to personally thank his ‘friend’ for looking after his woman’s interest. Now the joke in the office is that Bisi would be in a better position to personally ‘test’ all the beds in the house to make sure they’re up to standard.

“All these re-cycling of sleeping partners leave you dizzy at times. Now Kola says Bisi is baring her fangs to be recognised as a proper wife. I wish he calls her bluff. She’s not only contented to be living with a man who shold be with his family, she wants to be relevant and control two ‘homes’so to speak. At times I get so mad I feel like writing an anonymous letter to Kola. But then what would that achieve? He is obviously besotted with her and the fact that he would lose face if he were to go crawling back to the family home could make him tow her line.

“I’ve discovered still waters often run deep. Looking at Bisi, you wouldn’t think she was capable of having an affair, let alone, keep two married lovers on a leash”.

Want To Resist Temptation? This Is How

We’ve all done it before – eaten two bars of chocolate or demolish an appetizing bowl of pounded yam and egusi soup while supposedly on a diet; bought something we can’t afford or spent an entire evening watching TV instead of doing the housework. Here’s an expert’s view on how to resist temptation.

Don’t rely on willpower: It’s much easier to stick to your resolve, if your will-power isn’t tested. This means no chocolate in the house, taking just enough money to cover your shopping list and, knowing you won’t be able to just watch for half an hour, leaving the TV off until you’ve done what has to be done.

Understanding your triggers: Look for the feelings behind your actions. Do you eat or drink too much because you’re bored or lonely, or buy things to distract you from dealing with an unhappy relationship? Address what’s really going on and say goodbye to negative habits.

Have a treat: It’s bad to deny yourself something you enjoy, so allow yourself an occasional treat – setting a specific day and amount to keep you on track. And remember you’re human. OK, you’ve relapsed, but don’t beat yourself up about it, start again, knowing that you can easily resist temptation – if you really want to!

How to live a happy life: You can be carefree and live a happier life if you don’t take yourself too seriously, says top psychiatrist, Dr. Daniel Casriel. “Many people feel guilty about being carefree. They’ve been conditioned that this is wrong. From early childhood they were made to feel irresponsible if they were having a good time. But a person can be perfectly responsible, law-abiding and moral, and still be carefree and enjoy life,” Dr. Casriel said. He offered these tips to readers who want to develop a more happy-go-lucky attitude.

Don’t worry about things you can’t do anything about: “Instead, spend your time trying to improve the things you can do something about,” Dr. Casriel advised. “Take care of the things that have to be taken care of, whether it’s your car, refrigeration or whatever. There’s nothing like having nice surroundings, with everything running well, to give you the background for being care free.”Take up a hobby: “If you have a creative eye, for example, try painting. If you have talented hands, build things. This will give you a feeling or well-being.