March 13, 2024

Dear Bunmi, could my wife go back to her ex?

Dear Bunmi, could my wife go back to her ex?

Dear Bunmi, my wife and I met some nine years ago, when I was going through a bad divorce. She had a partner she claimed she was in love with. But he suddenly left her to get involved with someone else.

She was devastated, and I told her I was in love with her and would see her through.

For years she agreed that we should be lovers, but refused to marry me; probably hoping that her ex would come back.

However, we eventually got married, last December, when she discovered that she was pregnant.

Dear Bunmi, I love and hate her for all the emotional trauma she made me go through. We have a lovely son. But that hasn’t stopped me from wondering what would happen if her ex showed up in the future.

She’s caused me so much anguish by making me wait all this while, and I believe that she still has a soft spot for her ex.

Yusuf, by e-mail.

Dear Bunmi says …

Dear Yusuf,

You obviously felt rejected by your first wife and then by your current when, at first, she felt unable to give you all her love.

Therefore, you wanted to patch the wound left by your ex-wife by quickly finding another partner.

It’s quite natural for her too, to mourn the loss of the man she loved.

So, neither of you behaved badly. What you suffer from is a deep sense of inferiority complex and of being unlovable. In spite of your belief that your remarrying would make you feel loved, it fuelled your resentment.

Your new wife has reassured you she loves you by getting married and giving you a child. She could have had an abortion and moved on.

You need to work hard at saving your marriage by improving your self-image.

You’re obviously unhappy by your present state of mind and, by allowing your wife to share your fears, you’ll both be able to overcome them.

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