August 23, 2023

Dear Bunmi, how do I tell him he’s not my son’s dad?

Just before you lick that plate

Dear Bunmi, I’m in my mid-twenties and have a young son.

I’ve been with my boyfriend since our university days, but I don’t love him anymore. I only stay in the relationship because of this child. 

Around the time I became pregnant, I’d been seeing someone else for eight weeks, but broke off the affair because I thought the kid was my boyfriend’s. 

Unfortunately, the boy looks nothing like him – he looks like the boy I had a fling with.

I don’t want to continue to lie to my boyfriend about my son, it doesn’t feel right. 

But how am I going to tell my boyfriend what I’ve done? 

People have told me not to tell him but I can’t.  I don’t want to have to lie to my son or to anyone. 

It’s not fair.

Zainab, by e-mail.

Dear Zainab,

I agree with you. 

To mislead your son about the identity of his father would be a gross deception. 

To defraud your boyfriend by allowing him unknowingly to raise another man’s son is equally unacceptable. 

Unfortunately, a few people are now aware of your plight and you can’t rely on them to be a part of any conspiracy of silence.

You need to tell your boyfriend that you’re unsure who’s the father of your child. 

The double revelation of your unfaithfulness and that he may not, after all, have a son, will wound him. 

For everyone’s peace of mind, a blood test is needed. After the test, he might even decide to support you if he weren’t the father. 

I wish you the best of luck.