May 23, 2023

Dear Bunmi, he wants me to have fun before settling down

Can we ever become lovers?

My current boyfriend and I are seriously discussing settling down and starting a family. I am 26 and he is in his early 30s.

Recently, I ran into an ex-lover who is a happy-go-lucky man. We sort of drifted apart when we had new relationships.

He now wants us to continue where we left off. I told him of my current partner and he said he was not offering marriage.

All he wanted was to give me a mind-blowing fling before I settle down. He’s really sexy and a bit mad, but I’m awfully tempted.

Should I go for it, knowing I might not have another chance once I’m married?

Lillian, by e-mail.

Dear Lillian,

It’s not surprising that you’ve created this dilemma for yourself when you’re on the verge of making a serious commitment.

It sounds like you want to have your cake and eat it – though if you get it, it might not taste so good!

If you’ve decided to settle down, you’ve got to make sure you’re committed. You can’t keep going back to your ex for cheap sexual excitement.

For instance, if you end up having kids, would you still be playing the field because it is convenient?

Make sure you tell your ex it’s really over between you or, every time you run into him, he’ll put you to the test. 

(Share your problems and release your burden. Write now to Dear Bunmi: [email protected])