By Bunmi Sofola
“Tonight, once our three young children are in bed, my husband Fred and I will head upstairs together for an early night,” says Anjola, a 36-year old cosmetologist.
“We might have a glass of wine each and, afterwards, give each other a massage and, chances are, we’ll make love before falling asleep in each other’s arms.
“Considering the chaos of family life, you might imagine this to be a special occasion but we have sex practically every night.
“Intimacy is a huge part of our 14-year relationship, the glue that bonds our marriage together. Having three children is no excuse for letting your love life dwindle.”
Anjola is reacting to the view that the more children a couple has, the more they relegate sex to the back burner.
“I feel desperately sorry for couples who find themselves boxed to this unfortunate corner,” she continues. “It is a surprise they would let a crucial side of their relationship wane.
“Luckily for me, I am self-employed and work flexible hours. But after a day spent looking after the children, I yearn for my husband’s embrace. His desire for me makes me feel alive, confident and secure.
“It has boosted my self-esteem and I believe helped me through postnatal depression, as well as the devastation of two miscarriages. I could never imagine going for days – let alone months – without making love with him.
“I was 21 and doing my youth service when we met and he was one of the bosses in the logistics company I served at. When we started dating, we waited months before making love. When we did, the chemistry was palpable – and it has remained so over a decade together and three children.
“For some women – and their partners – the thought of sex during pregnancy is a huge turn off. But for me, that’s when my libido goes through the roof. Fred used to joke: ‘Leave me alone, I’m exhausted!’”
Surely, she and her husband couldn’t be at it every day?! “Of course not! There are times when nature knows best. Like most new mums, sex was the last thing on my mind immediately after giving birth. But it never even occurred to me that things wouldn’t pick up again in the bedroom as soon as I healed. After my six-week check-up, we became intimate again and it felt so natural.
“It was gentler than before the birth, but a relief to be able to show each other physical affection again. Not that it was plain – sailing – I struggled with over-tiredness and began to suffer lethargy. I also had a bout of postnatal depression and was prescribed anti-depressants.
“For some, libido vanishes with depression. But, if anything, sex became more important to me, as it helped me more than any medication. The endorphins release that sex produces boosted my feel-good hormones like no tablet ever could.
“Admittedly my body has changed after three children, but the fact that Fred found me attractive made me feel sexy and desirable. We are lucky that our children sleep well. I can understand why some mothers feel too exhausted to want sex.
“But on my most bleary-eyed days, I can spare an hour to be intimate with my husband’s physical attention as much as he needs me. I make an extra special effort for him too, and whatever drab clothes I have on, underneath them I always wear beautiful, matching, lacy lingerie. It is as much a treat for him as it is for me.
“Today, sex is just as important to us as it ever was, if not more so. As busy working-parents of three children, you might expect us to have to schedule it into the diary, but that would spoil the fun. Instead, we simply go to bed around 10.00pm and make love most nights. I’d have to re-evaluate my entire relationship if I hadn’t had sex for more than a few days.
“It’s not that I think that Fred would look elsewhere. Some women say they go off sex because their body has changed or their partners body has altered. My husband and I are by no means perfect specimens. I was very slim when we met but I’ve put on some weight. Fred’s weight has fluctuated too. But in all that time, we’ve never stopped fancying each other.
“Fred is my best friend. He was here before we had our children and he will be here when they’ve flown the nest. We see it happen so often – couples separating when their children have left home because they have nothing at all in common. I could never allow that to happen…”
A Leopard and its spots! (Humour)
A couple return from their honeymoon and it’s obvious to everyone that they’re not talking to each other. The groom’s best man takes him aside and asks what’s wrong.
“Well” replies the man, “when we finished making love on the first night, I got up to go to the bathroom and placed three N1,000 notes on the pillow without thinking.”
“Oh, I shouldn’t worry about that too much,” says his friend. “I’m sure your wife will get over it soon enough. She can’t expect you to have been saving yourself all these years.”
The groom nods his head gravely and continues: “I don’t know I’ll get over it though. She gave me N500 change.”
Birds of the same feather? (Humour)
A woman goes to a dating agency saying, she doesn’t care about looks, money or background.
All she wants is a decent, honourable man. Later that day, a man comes in and tells them the only thing he is seeking in a woman is intelligence.
The agency matches them together at once. They have one thing in common – they’re both compulsive liars!