Since my husband became close to his sister-in-law, I’ve felt very insecure. Her husband (my husband’s brother) sadly passed away about a year ago, and since then my husband has bent over backwards to help her – he literally jumps into action when she calls.

At first I thought it was incredibly kind of him and I knew he felt he owed it to his brother to make sure she was ok, but now I’m starting to resent it.

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She’s at our place a lot (she has no kids) and he’s always at hers and always sorting things out for her.

He spends more time with her than he spends in his own home.

I feel like saying something but I realise how I could come across as a heartless woman who resents him helping my widowed sister-in-law.

Mobola, by e-mail

Dear Mobola,

Don’t say anything for now – at least not from a critical or angry standpoint because you might regret it.

What your husband is doing is not unusual – it’s what families do. He’s still grieving too, and perhaps helping his sister-in-law is helping him to deal with it too.

You could also offer to take some of the responsibilities off him and do a few things to help your sister-in-law.

That way, you might understand better what she’s going through and it may also mean you have more time with your husband.

 It’s a much more positive way to approach it – you’re saying you’d like him to be around more for you, but understand your sister-in-law needs support, so you’re prepared to help too.

Share your problems and release your burden. Write now to Dear Bunmi: [email protected]

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