A few months ago, I became friends with this great guy. Eventually, we started going out and were into heavy petting.

I’ve developed serious feelings for him.

We’re together all week the time, but he doesn’t want to have sex because he’s afraid of hurting our friendship.

I feel like we’re in a relationship already. Is he some sort of a freak?

Yosola, by e-mail.

Dear Yosola,

It’s a fact that women often underestimate male sensitivity. Even if you have not said it outright, this man can most likely see that you’re already falling in love with him and your passion scares him because he is simply not ready to reciprocate. 

You’ve only known each other for a few months, after all. It’s a little early for commitment.

Maybe he has rushed into relationships in the past and been hurt. And he has a point! Sex does change things, sometimes for the better, sometimes not. 

So, what’s the hurry? Slow down. Stay cool. Enjoy these days of friendship without the sexual part. In the meantime, you should see other people.

Friendships are not exclusive relationships. Keep on learning more about each other, exchanging ideas and sharing.

 The sexual part will emerge, one day, as a natural next step. 

And, if it doesn’t, the trust between you will have become so solid, he will be able to give you more specific reasons why he doesn’t want to have sex with you.

Share your problems and release your burden. Write now to Dear Bunmi: [email protected]

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