Dear Bunmi,

I’m just over 30 and have a high sex drive. I want it every day, if I could get it. But my wife is happy with two or three times a week.

Once in a while, she humours me by letting me have more, but I always have the feelings she does it for peace.

A few weeks back, her father had a stroke. He’s lived alone since he lost his wife three years ago, and my wife had to go to the family house every evening from work. By the time she came back home, sex was the furtherest thing from her mind.

In the meantime, our neighbour, who is a very good friend of ours, is a single mother of three. She’d jokingly complained of abstaining from sex, due to no fault of hers. So, when she called round and discovered I was alone, she went back to her place to bring me something to eat. I provided the booze.

One thing led to another and I found myself having amazing sex! She’s in her forties but sexy and very athletic. Afterwards, she suggested I call in at her place from time to time for no strings sex. She said it would solve both our problems, and my wife needs never know.

I’ve taken her up on her offer and the nice arrangement is working for both of us. I mean what could be simpler, and where’s the harm? I love my wife and our beautiful children but not getting enough sex is driving me up the wall. Could this be a way of solving my problem and my neighbour’s?
Donald, by e-mail.

Dear Donald,
You might think you’re on to a good thing and so is your neighbour. She might claim she’s only after no strings sex, but don’t be fooled. Once she’s got her claws into you, she won’t let you go in a hurry. She’s likely to start making emotional demands on you. She may even let something slip to your wife. If she doesn’t, your wife is bound to pick up tell-tale signs that you’re having it off with her so-called friend.

You’re happy with your marriage and need to talk to your wife about your sexual urges. Twice or thrice a week is okay for married couples. She even allows you to have more once in a while. For the sake of your marriage, you need to control your sexual urges, or be prepared to throw away a good marriage for cheap thrills.

No-strings-attached trip with my boss

Dear Bunmi,

I am the personal assistant to the MD of the firm I work for and my boss is a wonderful man. He’s a few years older and we’ve always been friends.

Recently, his wife went abroad on a study leave and she’ll be away for three months. There is an overnight business he’s attending soon, and he wants me to go with him. I’m a single mum and would love the change.

But I’m not in love with him and don’t want a fling because his wife is a nice lady. How can I handle this?

Georgina, by e-mail.

Dear Georgina,
Your boss is on his own, probably for the first time since his marriage, and obviously fancies a quick fling. You shouldn’t have any of that, especially since you seem to be close to both of them. If you asked him what his intentions are, he would deny having any hidden agenda. Your best bet is to warn him off subtly. Tell him stories of people you know who’d burnt their fingers grazing close to home.

However, if you do go on the trip with him, be professional. Don’t stay up late talking to him and don’t go to his room for a nightcap either. He’ll get the message.

Why did he marry someone else?
Dear Bunmi,

I was in my early 20s when I met my boyfriend, and we lived together for over two years. I assumed we would eventually get married, but he said he wasn’t interested in a permanent commitment, so we split up. That was barely six months ago.

I recently learnt he just got married and I am gutted – I still don’t know how I’ll come to terms with what I see as a rejection of my love for him. I mean, what has this girl got that I haven’t?
Blessing, by e-mail

Dear Blessing,
People’s feelings do change, and that’s what you have to come to terms with. Your man must have realised you weren’t the one he wants to spend the rest of his life with. It has nothing to do with what you did wrong or right, and the earlier you accepted that you’ve lost him, the easier it would be to let him go and move on. Be rest assured that sooner or later, you’ll meet the man that’s right for you.

He craves group sex!
Dear Bunmi,

My current boyfriend is a real charmer and I get on well with his friends. A few nights back, we all went out together to a night club, and there was some harmless dirty dancing. Since the guys brought their own girlfriends, there weren’t any bad feelings.

Only now my boyfriend has this crazy idea that we should have group sex with some of his friends. He said he’s tried it before and it was not a big deal. What do you think?
Angel, by e-mail.

Dear Angel,
You’d be out of your mind to even consider it. This whole thing suggests your boyfriend is far more concerned with having a bit of fun than developing loving, caring relationship with you. He’s much more interested in being good to his friends than considering what you want.

As for his happy-go-lucky friends, they’ll see you as an easy meat from now on. So, say a firm no!

If you still want to see this man after the suggestion he’s made, see him without this bunch of friends hanging around. And if he or his friends come up with another ‘bright’ ideas, run a mile.

We need to get our sex life back
Dear Bunmi,

I’ve been married for a few years now to a wonderful man, and we have a son. My husband and I still love each other, but we both have demanding jobs. With that and looking after a boisterous toddler, we seldom have time for sex. What can we do?
Rita, by e-mail.

Dear Rita,
Having children could reduce your chances of having an active love life – but you can have one, if you create time. Set the alarm clock early maybe once a week, or go to bed once your son is settled in. Since you both work, you need to agree to take time off occasionally in the afternoon. Better still, can your son spend the night with your parents or a relative he’s used to? Where there’s a will, there’s a way!

Isn’t this toyboy too young?Dear Bunmi,
I’ve just ended a terrible relationship that left me really heartbroken. A few weeks back, I ran into this man at a wedding reception, and we exchanged cards. He looked terribly younger when he called, wearing casual clothes, than when he did in the agbada he had on at the wedding, that I had to ask him how old he was. He said he was 29, and I’m 42!

When I told him he was young, he said it didn’t bother him. My friends believe I should take it as a compliment that someone that young finds me attractive. Should I go for it?
Lade, by e-mail.

Dear Lade,
I agree with your friends – take this as a compliment and enjoy it thoroughly. But it would be foolish to fall head-over-heels for this young man or expect a long-term commitment.

This is almost certainly not something that is going to last. It is a fun fling to get you your confidence back, after the breakup. See it as that and you’ll be fine. Get serious and you’re heading for another heart break.

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