By Yetunde Arebi
Early in the week, celebrity actress, Eucharia Anunobi stormed social media space with her bombshell on pre-marital sex.
To capture the attention of her audience, she released a teaser castigating proponents of chastity before marriage, even after the engagement ceremonies might have been concluded.
As expected, many who saw the post went straight into premature ejaculation, shooting their mouths in all directions based on an assumption, despite the clearly legible Bible references provided and the advice referring us to her Youtube channel for the full video.
What the beautiful actress, now turned Pastor, was talking about in the referenced Youtube video was the need to stay chaste until the relationship is formalized before God and man. And boy, did she do justice to this topic, attacking it from various angles.
It’s a must-see video for young people, I must admit. And it reminded me of a presentation I once made to a group of young girls and boys. Though it was not a scripture quoting piece, it is a practical guide to guide young people in navigating the rough roads of intimate or love relationships. Below are excerpts:
We have somehow taken it in our stride that anyone in love must be in a sexual relationship. In fact, many young people believe that love and sex go hand in hand; you cannot truly love without having sex. However, this is one big mix-up by young people, either out of ignorance or deceit.
Love and sex are two separate things and do not have to be interwoven for a relationship to exist. While love is described as a feeling or an emotion one feels towards another which may cause you to feel like protecting, caring for, nurturing or possessing a thing or person, it has no definite meaning as it may mean different things to different people.
Sex on the other hand, is simply an act of intimacy between a person and his/her partner. Sex is a pleasurable intimacy between partners which can take place with or without loving affection between them.
Therefore you do not need to love someone or be in a relationship with them, to have sex with the person. In the same vein, having sex with someone does not mean that you love the person. We can also, therefore, say that not having sex with someone does not mean that you love or don’t love the person.
Pre-marital sex, (fornication) adultery and prostitution are very common in societies across the world today. Though people still frown at them, this has not deterred anyone from engaging in sex outside marriage.
God already knew that there will be problems associated with sex once it is not done within a union, that is why he recommended marriage, for those who cannot abstain. A testimony of how much God hates adultery is the killing of the first child born to David by Uraiah’s wife, despite David’s plea for forgiveness and several days of fasting.
God’s stand against sex out of the marital bed may be further buttressed by the many Sexually Transmitted Diseases, (STD) abortion and unplanned and unwanted pregnancies plaguing our societies. The list of these Sexually Transmitted Infections includes, Vaginitis, Chlamydia, Gonorrhoea, Syphilis, Chancroids, Staphylococcus, HPV, HSV1&2, Hepatitis B&C, Pelvic Inflammatory Disease (PID), and the deadly HIV/AIDS attest to this. Even at this, the list might get lengthier as the years go by.
Ironically, science, having concluded and agreed with the creator that only marital sex is recommended by God; (that is sex between a man and a woman who are faithful to one another is the only ideal form of sexual relationship if one wants to remain free of STIs), still went ahead to find a way out by inventing the Condom.
This they say prevents one from contracting the still incurable HIV/AIDS disease, as well as other STIs.The truth however is that Condom will not prevent the transmission of ALL the STIs, only some and there is no full proof guarantee for this too.
The only answer is ABSTINENCE. If you do not have sex, you will not have STIs. While research has shown that condom is not 100% full proof against STIs, the same applies to unplanned and unwanted pregnancies. Condoms have been known to break, tear or drop inside the vagina during sex. You may need to ask yourself therefore if any of these diseases or conditions are worth a few minutes of physical pleasures.
I know that the next most reasonable question to ask is, “so how can we love without sex” or “is it possible to love without sex”? The answer is yes! It is very possible. But you will need a lot of discipline, will power and finally, the grace of God.
Ways to spend quality time without having sex:
*Stay away from places that will encourage and are conducive for sex.
- Don’t indulge in group dating. It might lead to peer pressure.
*Visit places of interest, i.e the Zoo, Park, Mall, Museum, Beach, Restaurants, etc.
*Go to the Cinemas or stay in-doors to see your favourite movies. Stay away from X-rated movies.
*Go out and visit friends and introduce each other to family members-this gives a sense of belonging and acceptance.
*Have the fear of God in your heart by reading His words and cultivating a relationship with Him.
*Have a good body image and self esteem of yourself. This will help with most of the decisions you make concerning your body and your life.
- Discuss with your parents, guardians, religious leaders and counselors when you have doubts.
Note that you cannot truly love until you learn to love yourself. When you love yourself, you will never do anything that will harm you or put you in situations you don’t want.