Dear Bunmi,

I got married over 12 years ago to a man who was on the plum side. I didn’t mind this too much as I wasn’t slim either. Unfortunately, he’s piled on a lot of weight since we got married and I hate the way he looks.

I’m not nasty to him about his weight because this up-sets him but, as a wife, I think it’s my duty to be honest with him.

He tells me he’s trying to lose weight but I haven’t seen any change. His weight has put me off sex with him – he’s all fat and no muscles.

He snaps at me that I’m the one with the problem as the world is full of big, fat men like him who are happily married.

My husband is an attractive man. If he shows some care about his weight and diets, he would look real. If he is happy to be a fatso, I think the best thing is to leave to find myself a new partner.

Though he’s a good dad to our children, he owes it to us to slim down – surely losing weight is better than losing a family?

Tessy, by e-mail.

Dear Tessy,

Your demand on your husband is outrageous, cruel and ridiculous. How dare you threaten the happiness of your whole family because your husband is unwilling or unable to lose weight? You were on the plum size once, according to you. Is that why you’re now trying to boost your ego by demanding that a husband who’s always been large becomes slim? Of course, he’s sensed correctly that this problem lies with you and not him. Tell him what you’ve told me that he’s handsome and a good father, and that he deserves to be loved.

A caring woman can have a big influence on her husband’s health, weight and happiness.

Serve him only healthy meals and reduce the portions he normally eats. Whenever he makes an effort, praise him instead of blackmailing and criticising him. Believe me you’d soon discover that the grass is not really greener, after you’d left.

Share your problems and release your burden. Write now to Dear Bunmi, Vanguard Newspapers, P.M.B 1007, Apapa, Lagos, or bunmsof@yahoo.co.uk

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