Dear Bunmi

By Bunmi Sofola

RECENTLY, I had been inundated with requests from you readers on how to improve your love life.  And what better time to start than now to relieve the stress of the pandemic and the economy?  I was musing on this when I came across an A to Z guide to a sexier you by a sexologist, Catherine Hood.  So I’ve decided to adapt it for readers’ delight.  You’ll definitely find the tips worth trying.  Enjoy!

A – is for aphrodisiacs:  Food can spice up love-making.  Include plenty of suggestively shaped nibbles you have to eat with your fingers like asparagus and bananas, and add a little luxury with juicy grapes, and, of course, chocolate.

B – is for bondage:  We have five senses, all used in love-making.  Using a blindfold can heighten other senses like touch.  Go further and use restraints and your victim is powerless to resist.

C- is for contraception:  Unless you’re planning to get pregnant in 2016, get yourself some effective contraception.

D – is for dating:  The internet has opened up new ways to meet sexual partners chatting online.  Or take up a hobby or an activity that will help you meet new people.

E – is experimentation:   Add something new in 2016.  If you are usually passive in bed, take the lead and surprise your partner.

F – is for fantasy:   Most men and women use fantasy in bed.  Sometimes the story lines are extreme; at other times more tame and predictable.  Thinking about another person while having sex is not infidelity.

G – is for sex god or goddess:  Great sex starts with knowing yourself.  Get in touch with your desires through self-play.  Sex toys can help you explore your erogenous zones but you can use them on your lover to discover theirs too.

H – is for hair and makeup:   Being sexy isn’t about having perfect physique; it’s about being confident in your own skin.  Tone up your muscles through exercise and smooth your skin with exfoliation.

I – is for infection:  Don’t become another sexual health clinic statistic.  Whether you plan to have multiple partners in 2016 or to meet just one special person, don’t take risks until you’ve both had an infection screen.  Insist on condoms.

J – is for jealousy:  There is little that will ruin a relationship quicker than jealously.  Keep your cool.

K – is kissing:  There is nothing sexier than a really good kiss.  Get back to basics and improve your kissing techniques.  Involve your tongue and your teeth by nibbling around their lips.  Make kissing a central part of your love-making.

L – is for libido:  Stress and anxiety are the biggest passion killers so try to reduce the worries in your life and priorities some time and space for sex in 2016.  Make a resolution to tackle any discord in your relationship rather than letting resentments gather.  If you’ve been feeling low, see your GP and get some help.

M – is for massage:  Massage is a wonderful addition to foreplay.  What better way to chase away the stresses of the working day in preparation for an erotic evening?  Touching and caressing your lover’s body helps you get in touch with their feelings and can ignite the erogenous zones making them more receptive to love making.  You don’t have to be an expert masseuse; simply caress the skin and ask your lover to give feedback about pressure and how quickly to move your fingers.  Start with small circular movements with your thumbs and don’t press too hard.  Begin with the shoulders, move down the back and then from the ankles up to the thighs.

N – is for new start:  If you’re pining for a lost love or holding out for a reluctant beau, then make 2016 the year you move on and find a partner who gives you some love in return.  Who knows what wonderful surprises 2016 has in store?

O – is for oral:  Oral sex is one of the favourite foreplay techniques.  Arguably it’s a more intimate act than having penetrate sex, and many find it just as physically satisfying.  But not everybody enjoys oral sex and it’s important to respect your partner’s wishes.  To protect yourself from sexually transmitted infections, use flavoured condoms with new partners.

P – is for positions:  Try some new positions this year.  The angle of penetration can alter sexual stimulation.

Q – is for question:  We are all experts in what turns us on, so when you have new lovers take time to ask them what they like.  We give feedback in bed not only by what we say, but also in how our body moves.  If you’re too shy to ask directly then pay attention to what your lover’s body is telling you.

R – is for romance:  Whether you’re dating or in a long-term relationship, there should always be a place for romance feeds the emotional aspect of your sex drive in the same way intercourse satisfies the physical urge.  Small acts can be just as romantic as big gestures – cook your lover a meal, send them a few romantic texts or run them relaxing bath with scented candles.

S – is for seduction:  All good things come to those who wait.  If you’re single and dating then boost your success rates by brushing up your seduction techniques.  Let your eyes do the talking by holding your intended lover’s gaze for a little longer than normal.  Take time to listen to what your lover is saying to you and show you’re interested in more than just their body.

T – is for technique:  It can boost your sexual confidence to know you can perform a particular erotic signature move.  Choose a sex act you enjoy giving to others and perfect your technique so you can perform with confidence with a new partner.

U – is for underwear:   Is your knicker drawer looking tired, grey and uninspiring?  Then invest in some new lingerie or underwear.  Many men like to see their ladies wearing something fancy and seductive … but women too like to see men looking trim in their undies.

V – is for vulva pain:   Painful sex is a common complaint among women.  If you’ve been suffering in silence go and seek help.  There are many potential causes, from fungal infections that are easily treated to psychosexual problems that can be improved by therapy.

W – is for water:  If you want to enjoy a really indulgent and prolonged sex session with your partner then incorporate a shower or bath into your foreplay.  Giving your love a good soap and scrub can be very seductive.

X – is for Lover Letters:  With e-mail, messaging and texts it’s easy to lose the art of writing a love letter but there is nothing quite like receiving a hand-written note.

Y – is for Yes:  Embrace new experiences in 2016.  If you’ve got stuck in a rut with a relationship or being single, then resolve to change your situation.

Z – is for sleep:   Don’t burn the candle at both ends.  Make sure you get enough sleep to enjoy life in 2016.  Your sexual appetite will suffer if you’re too tired.


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