Dear Bunmi,

My husband and I have been married for close to 25 years and I always believed we had a good marriage. We have five children, live in our own house and he runs a very thriving business.

A few years ago, there was this rumour that he was responsible for the education of a girl in one of the universities. I thought it would soon blow over, as a lot of his affairs had. Unfortunately, it didn’t and my husband has left his matrimonial home to go and live with this girl.

As I write, she’s expecting her first child by my husband. My children are quite bewildered by it all, and I feel really depressed being abandoned this way. Why did he throwaway 25 years of marriage for this girl?

Sandra, by e-mail.

Dear Sandra,

Your husband is obviously suffering from a middle age crisis. He had a stable relationship for over a quarter of a century and reached the point in his business that he’d always aimed for. He looked round and wondered; ‘what now?’ He felt bored, or frightened that this is as good as it gets.

Of course, his actions are not kind or fair. But as your husband felt like this, he wanted a relationship totally different from his marriage.

He chose an undergraduate because she offered him a new approach to life, something not necessarily better, but different. And he had the means to go for what he wanted.

Facing up to this won’t bring your husband back. But it might help you to realise his leaving is not your fault. He just reached a key point in his life and broke away.

You’ll need a lot of support to get through this rejection but, at least, you can take comfort from the fact that his leaving has nothing to do with anything you did wrong. 

Vanguard

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