By Bunmi Sofola

Two months ago, I had lunch at my favourite restaurant with an old friend.  One of the waiters, a favourite, made a fuss over me … offering me delicacies he knew I was particularly partial to – including the wine, of course!  A couple of days later, I showed up again at the same restaurant with a different guest.

“Would madam like to wait at her usual corner while I get the table ready?”, he asked enthusiastically.  My guest frowned.  When the table was ready, the waiter sat us down with yet more fuss: “I got you your favourite table,” he enthused. 

My guest’s frown deepened.  As I ordered, the waiter tempted me with side dishes I usually favoured and my guest wore a long murderous look.

During lunch, he hovered again wanting to know if I wanted a carafe of my favourite wine or a whole bottle.  That did it! 

“Look here man,” fumed my guest, “I’ve had enough of your silly pranks.  Why don’t you go and serve the rest of your clients!”  You can guess which waiter got the smallest tip that day!  Which goes to show that there is much more to being a waiter than keeping a thumb out of the soup.

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According to a seasoned waiter giving tips in a London newspaper, … A waiter is a diplomat who not only knows how to serve food, he stops your girlfriend from bumping into your wife – or your boyfriend from bumping into your husband. 

‘To avoid making a fool of yourself, a good waiter must be an information officer as well as a gourmet”, he said.

A head waiter welcomed a famous businessman and a lady friend with the words:  … Good afternoon, sir, I am afraid I haven’t a table for you today.”  The angry businessman demanded the reason.  The head waiter leaned forward and whispered: “The reason, sir, is that your wife is here.”  He had mastered the art of diplomacy worth its weight in tips.

So what makes the perfect waiter?  The best waiters are showmen. 

A waiter in action is very much on stage.  And, if you are honest, you’ll admit you enjoy every moment of it.  Most people who eat out, love to be pampered.

Vanguard News Nigeria