By Uzor Maxim Uzoatu
Throwing one’s hat into the political ring in Nigeria is akin to wandering
into the coven of witches and wizards.
Anything can happen. People disappear. Ghosts appear to cast votes. Ballot boxes fly like scud missiles. Everything is possible and nothing is impossible.
Nigerian political godfathers have carved the peculiar niche for administering fetish oaths on their ill-assorted godsons and goddaughters.
There was the pathetic case of the front page of a newspaper showcasing a stark naked political godson in the oath-taking wonderland – with all the unmentionables dangling!
We shall get back to that murky matter a bit later in this piece.
It suffices to just make progress for now on the fact that I have been reliably informed that there are more juju-doctors and witch-catchers in the dark covens of Nigerian politics than in all the jungles of Ancient Otumokpoland.
Initiation into the political parties, according to my undercover sources, is akin to induction into occult secret societies complete with human flesh-eating and the guzzling of virginal blood.
I have it on good authority that the majority of the party stalwarts end up going stark raving mad after their juju-besotted initiation.
Any wonder then why most Nigerian politicos are so long on crass and quite short on class.
Much was made of the case of Chief Chris Uba taking Dr. Chris Ngige to the dreaded Okija shrine for a fetish oath of allegiance in Anambra State back then.
It’s so cool to remember that Ngige told all willing to hear that he went to the shrine with his Holy Bible tucked under his armpit.
One cannot but wonder if it’s because Chris Uba did not notice the Bible that Ngige was able to turn the table on the ill-fated godfather who has since gone into complete political oblivion.
No tear for him!
Do we now advise any political wannabe to remember his Bible or the Koran when being taken into any of the many shrines of power?
I am beginning to suspect that it was the presence of the Bible that stopped Uba from asking Ngige to strip stark naked!
God works in miraculous ways, alleluia!
Say “Amen!” to that revelation, as the Pentecostal spellbinders would say on a warm Sunday evening.
Now that we are dwelling on the nakedness of political oath-takers, it’s just right to remember the Ogun State legislator (name withheld, to save the dignity of man) whose nude photograph was splashed on the front page of the defunct Nigerian Compass.
My crystal ball tells me the poor fellow made the singular mistake of not taking along his Bible or Koran while taking the blood oath!
According to the honorable apostle of nakedness that was pictured in flagrante by National Compass, “I was not the only one there. There are some I took with Governor himself. He, too, was naked like me. There were also naked pictures of other lawmakers loyal to the governor. All members of the group took the naked oath. I mean all, no one was left out.
The oath was taken in order for us to pledge our loyalty to Governor. He facilitated it and participated actively. In fact, in order to convince me that he meant business, he stripped himself naked along with me and we took pictures too. I challenge him to also publish these in his papers; otherwise, he remains a liar and a treacherous fellow.”
What a brazen case of executive nudity and legislative nakedness!
It should make for a good job to be hired as the photographer to take exclusive pictures of the naked executives and legislators of the godfather juju oath games!
Voodoo democracy of witches and wizards and allied sorcerers and their apprentices are all the rage across all the geo-political zones of the much-ballyhooed giant of Africa.
I have just been informed by a source I daren’t disclose that a deadly cabal administers a lethal godfather oath of non-performance on any occupant of Aso Rock!
If you doubt my source, then answer this simple question: Who has ever performed once inside Aso Villa?
It starts, for instance, with the scrambling of the heads of presidential spokespersons into the slave duty of barking like rabid dogs at the president’s imagined enemies, visible and invisible!
To acquire a loyal attack dog all the godfather cabal needs to do is take the hired guns into a wonky shrine under the huge rock to swear to a fatal allegiance oath.
It grieves my heart no end that the one personable president, Umaru Musa Yar’Adua, could not get out of the coven alive.
It is my candid opinion that luckless Katsina simple man was not sufficiently “medicated” to occupy that cabalistic enclave.
He was grossly unprotected against the relentless onslaught of supernatural Scud missiles and preternatural Molotov cocktails directed acutely at his pericarditic heart!
A tear for him!