Yours Sincerely

February 20, 2022

What if your children don’t take to your new lover?!

new lover


It stands to reason that with the spate of divorce the society now witnesses and the number of unwanted pregnancies, single parenthood has come to stay. 

The sad picture is that, unlike in the old days when single parents were mostly widows who couldn’t be considered young, a lot of single parents today, male and female, are young, intelligent and eager for new relationships.

As a bachelor aptly puts it: “There are plenty of single women without children you can date, but let’s deal with the facts: An equally large number of single mothers are no longer with the fathers of their children, and in many cases have never been.

Does this mean they are supposed to stay home, stop dating and never meet someone worthy of them or their children?  Of course not!  So let’s all wake up and smell the realities of the twenties!”

He continues: “I admit that not long ago, I would date an attractive, intelligent and humorous young lady, and the moment I found out she had a child, my attitude would change.  I would find ways to end the relationship.  The reason?  Well, there were plenty, and not all of them sincere.  My main argument was that I felt the father of a woman’s baby always had a chance to get back with the mother of the child.  I figured there was a bond and I didn’t want to take a chance on getting close only to end up being dismissed later on in the relationship.

“I once dated a young lady whose little boy clearly knew that I wanted only one thing.  At that point, I was not interested in her child and had no desire to play the father-figure role.  Her son acknowledged my selfishness and bluntly said: ‘Mummy, I don’t like him.’  She had no qualms about showing me the door but I didn’t care – plenty of fish in the sea!”  This reminds me of a friend who met a man she considered caring enough to bring home to her two daughters. 

The man showed real interest in her kids – bringing them presents, helping them with their homework and occasionally taking them to the club.  My friend couldn’t believe her good fortune until she picked up the phone one evening to help her lover dial a number.

“So where is your mum now?”  The line was obviously busy and her older daughter was talking to one of her friends on the phone.  “She is with her bobo in her room,” her daughter replied.

She would have put down the phone but for the resentment in her daughter’s voice.  “The same bobo she’s been seeing?” the friend asked.  “Yes, o!  Me sha, I don’t like him.  As soon as he comes in, he pretends he likes us.  He buys us magazines and sweets to keep us quiet then sneaks into mummy’s room.  At times he doesn’t leave until two in the morning or even later.

Only God knows what she sees in him.  He is yukky”.  “Doesn’t he have a wife at home?” asked my daughter’s friend.  “I don’t know. He’s been here twice with his horrible little son.  He might be a single dad who’s not married himself.  That son of his is a drip. Yetch!”

My friend couldn’t believe what she was hearing.  “I have ended some relationships because of these ungrateful children” she fumed!  “I have always tried to be careful with the type of men I encourage.  The last thing I wanted was for my children to see me bringing men in and out of the house.  Can you then imagine the cheek of that one bad-mouthing a man who’s bent over backwards to please everybody?”

Single fathers too don’t have rosy tales to tell when they attempt dating again but they have discovered that relationships work better if they date single mothers instead of girls who are inexperienced in raising kids.  “Oh they pretend to like your kinds at first,” recalled Mark, an auto-mechanic.

 “But wait until the kids start throwing tantrums or messing up their designer wears and their inexperienced side comes to the fore.  I have seen a few friends who hurriedly got married again only to find themselves living in a nightmare.  The single girl who pretends to like your kids becomes very selfish as soon as that wedding band is on her finger, and she’s started raising kids of her own.

One of such women even pleaded with her husband to send the step-son she met in the home away because he was a petty thief.  The husband refused of course, warning her of the consequences if she didn’t get on with his son. 

As the bachelor chap succinctly wraps it up: “The more I converse with my friends on the issue of dating single mothers, the more it appears we have all grown to accept the challenge.  We have watched how our own mothers have handled raising children and dating.  We are watching our sisters in their relationships while single-parenting. 

We see the effects on their children, and are now more willing to become that new aspect in the dating game – a father figure.  For those men who have babies and are not with the mother of their children, this is the reality.  Another man may be loving not only your lady but also your child!”

You’re The One That I Love!  (Humour)

An artist is highly delighted when a gorgeous model agrees to pose for him in the nude.  While he’s mixing his oils, the artist glances at the stunning girl draped seductively over the sofa.  Overcome with lust, he rushes across the room and makes passionate love to her there and then.

Afterwards, she asks coyly: “Do you make love to all your subjects?”  “No, you’re the first one,” he replies.  “None of the others has driven me crazy with desire.”  Feeling flattered, she asks: “How many have you painted before me?”  “Just the two,” the artist says proudly.  ‘A hat stand and a bowl of fruit.”]

Vanguard News Nigeria