Dear Bunmi,

I’m very happy with my husband of five years and our two children, but my family members are always inviting themselves to stay and it’s so tiring. We are a close knit family, alright, but there is a limit as to what liberty they can get away with.

 I really want to tell them to stop coming around that often, but they’ll be really upset if I do. My husband’s relatives don’t bother us half as much as mine.

Ngozi, by e-mail.

Dear Ngozi,

You need to stick to what’s right for you but, at the same time, avoid alienating your family. You’re now old enough to live your life the way you want. Make it clear you still care about them, so they know there’s still a lot of love between you. Suggest a solution that works for you – like a visit every other month.  Keep up regular contact so you don’t lose the relationship.


Don’t think your family is terrible; they just have different ideas about visiting and don’t fall for guilt trips such as ‘how could you, after everything we’ve done for you?’

Don’t let their grumbles affect your relationship with your husband and kids, and don’t allow yourself to be pressured into more on longer visits than you want. 


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