He wants to be more adventurousDear Bunmi,
My fiance wants me to go on top when next we make love.
He’s never made this request all the time we’d been together, so why now? I know he’s only trying to spice things up a bit, but the idea scares me. I don’t know why I feel so nervous.
Do you think I should go for It? I don’t really know what to do!
Nkem, by e-mail.
Women-on-top position can be great— you set the pace and can touch yourself for extra stimulation.
But some women don’t feel confident about exposing themselves in this way; or they don’t want to be in control, in case they get it wrong.
Ask your fiance to help you overcome your worries. Start with the lights low, or wear undies so you don’t feel so exposed. To begin with, let him take charge.
As you gain confidence, you’ll feel more at ease and be able to enjoy yourself.
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Should my daughter call her dad’s new love ‘Mommy’?
Since we split-up early in the year, my ex and I shared custody of our four-year-old daughter.
This has worked out well, but now she’s started to refer to her father’s lover as ‘mommy’.
I don’t have anything against the woman, but my daughter has only known her for a couple of months.
The worst part is that I never see them correcting her. I want to stop taking her there for a while. I know it’s wrong, but I’m her only mommy.
Naomi, by e-mail.
I understand how hard this must be for you— especially as your ex has only been with his girlfriend for a couple of months.
I would suggest you sit down with him for a non-confrontational, non-judgemental chat.
Maybe it would help to say you’re grateful his girlfriend is making bonds with your little girl, but it’s very important he understands that calling his partner ‘mommy’ could be quite confusing to her.
Let him know that you really want his new partner and your child to have a close relationship. Maybe you could suggest that they all come up with a special name just for his girlfriend.
Stopping her from seeing her dad will only create bad feelings. Moms and dads need to appear united (even if they’re not) with regard to their children.