By Dr Ugoji Egbujo

It was the early 2000s. I got to the airport and called the Warawara. I was heading to Abuja. We talked about air crashes. And fertilizers. He reminded me that when a single man flies he shouldn’t choose his seat. He should let the ticketing girl fix him on any seat. Because, sometimes, those ticketing people fix good things near good things.

I was single.

At check-in, the lady asked me, “window or isle?”

I smiled.

She said, “ok you want anywhere!”

I nodded.

I got onto the plane and headed to my seat with an open mind. Holy Moses! My seat was a middle seat between two young ladies. And they seemed to know themselves!

I was surrounded by well-honed melanin.

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They were sassy in welcoming me. I sat between them with a predatory smile. I had to be quick. I had one hour. They looked like identical twins. I didn’t know whom to choose.

I decided to play non aligned until. ..

The plane took off. They were Unilag girls. I pulled out kola. A pretty little box of chocolates and nuts. I used to travel with those little things.

We started discussing music.

When the aircrew came with their refreshment the girls scorned the offerings. I replenished the stock. I couldn’t call Warawara. It was the kind of flight he would have loved.

Then the plane ran into mad turbulence. The girls held me. It was very bad. One was crying on my shoulder and chest. The other had fallen on my laps. I didn’t know if I wanted the turbulence to stop or not.

I was nervous but…

When it ceased we had become a trio. The man that sat across the isle cast furtive glances at me. He must have wondered how it all happened.

The girls asked me where I would stay. I told them I was an adventurer. And that I was ready to explore the town. They said they were in the town for a party. And they were lodging in a hotel owned by a governor’s son in Asokoro. It was the governor’s son who had invited them from Lagos.

It was Friday night. Plane landed. The man across the isle looked at me as if I had stolen our commonwealth. One of the girls begged me to help her with her handbag. I did. And some men looked at me as if I had stolen their manhood

We did the baggage collection together. And moved to Asokoro.

It was a clean hotel. They got me a massive discount and a gorgeous room. And told me they would check on me whenever they were free.

On their way out for the party at midnight, they sent someone to give me an invite. I turned it down. I was too big for that na. They called my room, I told them I was tired. They gave me their room number.

I called Wara. He cried!

Early the next morning I got up to jog. But the devil came and said I should go and check them. I called their room. The phone was hung up. The devil asked me to persist. I strolled to the room. And knocked.

“Who is that?” A groggy voice asked.

“It’s me, doc. I forgot my comb, please! I need a comb.” I didn’t have afro then oo.

The door swung open. I almost went blind. She was naked. She opened the door and walked back to the bed.

“Search our bags. Take the comb. Search the fridge take drinks too. Search the table we got meat for you. Lie down and rest if you are tired and bored.”

She fell on the bed. Her friend was on the bed too totally naked, spread-eagled.

I stood for a while. Then I went outside to catch my breath. The devil asked me to enter again. I told the devil to leave me alone.

I called Warawara and he fainted!

My Abuja chronicles. No, be today.



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