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Dear Bunmi,

I’m married with three children, and another one on the way. But I can’t stop thinking about my husband’s brother, who is an ex from long ago. One night, a few years back, he came round while my husband was out. We got talking and he admitted that he still had feelings for me. We ended up in bed.

My husband later found out and was very angry. In time, I was forgiven…but my feelings for his brother are still there. He’s currently engaged and doesn’t speak to me, but he won’t commit to his fiancee and refuses to let her move in with him. Could this be because of me? What should I do.

Made, by e-mail.

Dear Made,

Oh, come on, do you really need me to tell you? You have got a husband. You’re about to have your fourth child. If there was ever a choice to be made, you made it when you got married and started a family. Frankly, I’m amazed you could even consider risking what you have for the sake of a relationship with anyone else, let alone your already-engaged brother-in-law.

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Perhaps you feel your marriage has become boring or predictable. If so, do something about it. Long relationships take a lot of work. Passion is the first thing to go on the back burner when you’re up all night with poorly children or worrying about what to put in their children’s lunch boxes.

Anyway, now is not the time to be making such enormous decisions. You’re pregnant, your hormones have gone haywire and you’re probably not thinking clearly. Give it a few months. Have the baby, wait until it is sleeping through the night and then take time to try to make your marriage work.

If in the end you decide you have no future with your husband, be absolutely certain before you do anything about it. But I’m telling you now to forget your brother-in-law. As they say on those American television chat shows — don’t even go there, girl!