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How would you behave if you caught your man pants down?

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Blessing was boiling with rage. She slept on the side of the bed close to the wall. Her current boyfriend slept in the middle. At the far end was this ‘trollop’ who her man was once in love with but who threw him over for a richer lover. Unfortunately, the lover got married, and it wasn’t to her.

Now, there she was, seethed Blessing, shamelessly sharing the bed that should belong to Blessing as of right.

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“I’d phoned Phill, my boyfriend, from the hospital to cancel my visit to him that fateful night,” Blessing explained. “I’d intended to show up after my afternoon shift at the hospital but the night staff nurse hadn’t shown up and I was asked to stand in for her. I was to take the whole of the next day off as compensation. Some few hours later, however, the nurse showed up with a genuine excuse for her lateness. One of the doctors offered to give me a ride to Phill’s house and I jumped at the chance as it was well after 10p.m.

“When Phill opened the door, he looked as if he’d seen a ghost. I explained what happened at the hospital as I made my way to the bedroom to put down my overnight bag. I stopped dead in my track. Propped up on the pillow was Eugenia, Phill’s ex, the one he said broke his heart and the one he swore he would have gladly killed if he could get away with it.

‘She said nothing, just looked at me as if I was a curious object that just crawled out from under the bed. Phill cleared his throat and explained that Eugenia actually came to collect the rest of the things she had in the house when one thing led to the other and she had to stay. He said she had problems with her landlord and now lived with a friend. Unfortunately, the friend locked Eugenia out when her latest boyfriend came and she had nowhere to sleep. The story sounded foolish to me and I would have left there and then but for the fact that it was late and getting public transport would be almost impossible if not dangerous. He hadn’t furnished the spare room and why should I be the one to sleep on his lumpy uncomfortable couch?”

Sometime last year, Busayo closed her hair dressing salon and made for her boyfriend’s house. She dreamt of good food, good booze and a night of torrid love-making. So you can imagine her frustration when she got to his place and his house-help told her he’d gone out. She was surprised. She said she would wait a while as he never told her he wouldn’t be home. His car was in the drive. The house help said falteringly that he’d gone to a bachelor’s eve bash with a friend.

“I didn’t fancy going to my lonely flat so I decided to wait for him,’ she recalled. “I went straight to the kitchen, made myself supper and had a drink. The houseboy had conveniently disappeared to the boy’s quarters at this stage. I suddenly felt tired and went to his bedroom to see if it was open. It was open alright because the air-conditioner was on.

I tried the door knob and the door opened. A girl was astride my boyfriend and they were both moaning obscenely like maniacs. They didn’t even know I was around. What I saw first enraged me, but I then became fascinated. When their passion was spent, I cleared my throat, my boyfriend looked silly when he saw me. The girl looked triumphant. It was the girl who’d warned me in my early days with my boyfriend that I was only playing second fiddle, that she meant to claim him when she felt like it. Now it seemed she’d succeeded.

“My anger returned and I left in a huff, telling my boyfriend I would be waiting for him in the car so he could take me home. To cut a long story short, I stayed the whole night in the mosquito-infested car as my boyfriend ignored the threat. I eventually went home at the crack of dawn when it was safe to go by public transport. That was the last I heard of the creep.”

Edna just came from a trip abroad and went straight to her husband’s bedroom. “A scent of Giorgio was thick in the air,” Edna recalled. “The bed was too smoothly made up and I asked my husband where the perfume came from. “You know I lost my sense of smell a long time ago,” he told me, keeping a straight face. And it was true. He couldn’t smell a thing.

I felt so frustrated but he just shrugged. How could he defend what he knew nothing about? Some few days after, we were at a party when his ex came over to say hello. She was actually the girl he should have married until she married someone else. She was wearing a strong scent of Giorgio. The penny just dropped.

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“When we got home, I called the house-maid and asked if it was true that she served another woman in my house when I travelled just because master ordered her to do so? She started shaking and told me it was the same master who asked her not to tell me. I then dragged her to my husband after her description fitted this wanton ex of his. He looked shame-faced and I made a good noise about how hurt and disappointed I felt by his betrayal. I have been raking in the profit from his guilt but let’s face it, a lot of ex-lovers still make love. They tell you it is better to make love to a body you’re used to than a strange body. How corny!”

Vanguard

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