By Bunmi Sofola
Justus at 39, can’t exactly remember what it was like to be poor. Spoilt by fairly comfortable parents as the first son, he soon made his own money doing ‘business.’
A paragon of easy virtue, he is reputed to have enjoyed dalliance with a lady he picked up at the hotel/restaurant whilst his two wives were fast asleep in their rooms.
He is well known for his several flirtations with young kids—never women in his age bracket, and has financially seen quite a handful of them through the university. His adoring wives know of his addiction to adventurous females but believe he does no wrong. How could he, with all the money he has?
A few months ago, he was treated to a sumptuous dinner by another female ‘discovery’ two streets away from his house. The lady in question is his neighbour’s second wife to whom Justus was alleged to have written love letters in which he expressed his undying love, despite his recent marriage to yet another woman in his home town. So, whenever the husband was not around, super-stud sneaked in. To allay suspicion, he takes the car even though he could easily stroll down, then park round the corner from his lover’s flat.
This particular night, he had invited officers of his club home to discuss some financial problems the club was having over dinner. The second wife would have the privilege of serving his guests pounded yam and heaven knows how many assorted pieces of meat. “When he told us where he was coming from,” said one of the club members he invited over,”We wondered how he would be able to eat any other thing after the illicit supper he just had.
He told us to just watch him. As soon as the poor woman brought in the hot well-pounded yam, he started poking it with his fingers. ‘My goodness’, he shrieked, ‘look at the lumps in this thing! And look at the funny-looking pieces of meat. Didn’t I tell you to prepare fish stew? How often do I eat in this house? Why can’t I eat a decent, well-prepared meal on the few occasions that I do? Some of these guests eat only fish. Where is the fish stew?”
“The poor woman was knocked for six. She saw us eyeing the spread greedily and she implored us to taste the food but we declined, having been warned not to touch anything by our host. She then knelt down pleading to show how sorry she was for presenting such sub-standard meal, and the stupid man kept up his string of verbal abuse, flinging the bowl of soup on the dining table. He then ordered us to get up from where we sat. If he couldn’t get a decent meal at home, he fumed, he was sure we could do better at a nearby restaurant. With that, he swept us all out of the agitated woman’s sight.
“He howled with laughter as we went to the restaurant. But I tell you, that was a good pounded yam he made us miss. He bragged as we ate the rubbish served us at the restaurant, that he would make it up to his second wife. ‘My wives have no reasons to complain about anything, he bragged. ‘They have more money than they need and can do what they please, I am not the jealous type and don’t give them the third degree anytime they go out. So, they leave me alone….”
According to Justus, “It is a fact that the country is crawling with single women, some with kids they have to send to school. We all know the stress we go through trying to keep body and soul together, not to mention the criminal fees you pay to educate your children either privately or publicly. So, if there are men like me. blessed by God with more money than we need and willing to be of great assistance to as many women as we can afford, there is no harm!” But why can’t the same consideration be extended to their male relations and friends? I wanted to know.
“Men are the most difficult people you can help,” he said. “You get no returns. With women, you might have kids and a lot of tender-loving care in return for your investment. A few friends I’d given loans to in the past either made part payments and stopped, or they just didn’t bother to pay back. Once you give any financial assistance to a relative, he runs to tell the others and they descend on you like vultures with tales of financial woes that will make the devil himself weep!”
Life after cancer—getting your love life back!
Whilst it’s good news that most types of cancer are now curable, cancer drugs and surgery affect your body and emotions. Not to talk about how patients feel about sex. Bellow are common questions medical experts agree, patients often ask:
Q:I’m exhausted after cancer treatment, so sex is the last thing I want. But my partner is still keen. How can I get round this?
A:It’s important to let your partner know how you’re feeling so he doesn’t think you’re rejecting him personally. You can also suggest what you would be happy with. For example:”I don’t want to have sex but I’d love a cuddle.” Masturbation, either with you or on his own, should help to relieve your partner’s frustration.
If you have fatigue—constant tiredness that isn’t relieved by rest—it might help to have sex in less energetic positions such as ‘spoons’ where your weight is supported on the bed. You may also prefer ‘quickies’ to longer sessions.
Q:Ashamed to be naked: Because of my mastectomy scars, I’m too embarrassed to be seen naked, let alone make love. What can I do?
A:If you’re embarrassed about your scars but still want to have sex, you need to talk about it. Most people find their partners are much less concerned by their scars than they imagine —and they may not even realise how self-conscious you are. Once it’s been discussed, you should feel more relaxed about your body. While your confidence grows, you could try having sex in semi-darkness —by candlelight, for instance. Some women find keeping their bra on after a mastectomy helps them feel sexier as it holds the prosthesis (false breast), if there’s one, and helps to hide the scars. Crop tops or an all-in-one with poppers can also look sexy while giving you a discreet cover-up.
Q:Is sex a danger? I’ve heard that having sex can actually cause cancer, is this true?
A:Cancer of the cervix, vulva and some mouth cancers are more likely to occur in people who have the human papilloma (HPV). This virus is transmitted through sexual contact. However, HPV is very common and most people who have it don’t develop cancer. There are many other factors that can influence and increase the risk of developing cancer, such as your age and genetic makeup. But lifestyle is important too, including things such as smoking, diet and your general health, so do look after yourself.
Q:Will it spread? I’m concerned that having sex too often will only make my cancer worse. Is this possible?
A:No. Sex won’t make cancer worse, spread or come back. In fact, sex—and all the love and caring that goes with it—can be very beneficial. Many people feel depressed, unloveable, guilty or afraid when they have cancer or are going through treatment. Affection and acceptance from a partner can make a big difference to your self-esteem.
Q:In the clear? I’ve had the all-clear following cervical cancer. My partner says I should be happy, but I can’t stop worrying the cancer will return.
A:Cancer can leave many difficult emotions and feelings to deal with, such as anxiety and depression. While your illness is being treated you fell something is being done to stop it. But once you get the all-clear it’s natural to fear it might return, and worry about every ache. These feelings are normal and will go with time, but see your doctor for re-assurance. Being positive can lift your mood and help you deal with anxieties. Make plans so you have things to look forward to. If you’re worrying all the time, get help from your doctor and a referral to a psychologist if needed.
Q:Strange sensation. I’ve had a hysterectomy following womb cancer. My partner and I are having sex again, but since the operation I’ve noticed my orgasms feel different. Is this normal?
A:Yes. Surgery is bound to have after-effects, including fatigue, hormone imbalances, and nerve tissue healing—all of which can affect your feelings too. Many women notice their sensations during sex change after surgery, and this can affect your orgasms. It may also be that you’re having trouble relaxing fully. Losing your womb to cancer is tough, and perhaps you feel less feminine as you come to terms with what’s happened to your body. But it’s very positive that you’re having sex again. With time and patience, your orgasms should be more fulfilling.
Q:So upset: Since having cancer treatment, I’m horrified to find I sometimes leak urine. What should I do?
A:Don’t suffer in silence. Make an appointment with your doctor and explain what’s happening and when. You can then discuss the best support and treatment for you. This may be specific exercises to strengthen your pelvic floor and bladder muscles. Or you may be prescribed medication that can help to control the problem.