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Weird testing of manhood

Only 4 States are viable in Nigeria —reportBy Francis Eweherido

I have read many excuses of fathers who slept with their daughters. Some blame it on the devil. Others blame it on joblessness and frustration, while some others blame it on drunkenness, foolishness and so on. But none of the excuses I have heard has been as dumb as the one I read recently.

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Caught in the act, the man said he has been sleeping with his two daughters to find out if his manhood is still functional. A little digression, please.

In my early days in secondary school at St. Ambrose, Usiefrun, Delta State, a student alleged that his manhood had disappeared and accused an artisan of being responsible for the disappearance. The students wanted to lynch the artisan, but an elder and staff of the school warned us not to be hasty in passing judgment.

He suggested that the manhood should be “tested” first. But there was a problem. The student obviously had no wife and there was no female volunteer. There were also no brothels in Usiefurun. There was only one known prostitute, who was mentally unstable. The students called her “Kwamelaho,” (please do not ask me how that name came about and the meaning; ask your Urhobo friends for the meaning).

But there was a brothel in the neighbouring town, Ekakpamre. The students trooped there with the “victim” and the “culprit.” (There was nobody to put the students in check; no police station and the principal and his vice, the only staff who resided in the school, were not around). There was no AIDS then, the only major sexually-transmitted diseases were gonorrhoea and syphilis. At Ekakpamre, the long and uncomfortable wait started.

After what looked like eternity, the “victim” emerged from the brothel sweating profusely. “Did it work,” he was asked. He nodded to affirm what everybody had suspected. He went in there to find out if his manhood was still functional and spent more time enjoying himself. He also forgot that somebody’s life was hanging by the tiniest thread.

True, the student did overtime with the prostitute, but he only confirmed the efficacy of his manhood once and for all; case closed. Now here is a father, who hadslept with his daughters multiple times,claiming to be testingthe efficacy of his manhood. For how long do you test your manhood to know it is functioning well? A visit to the doctor would have revealed what the issue is, that is, if there is any issue at all. Or,humanly speaking, like we did about 40 years ago, he should have gone to a brothel since he apparently lacks Dick control.

These days sex is cheap, common place and literally next door, why sleep with your own daughters who came out of your loins? Of recent, we have heard too many cases of fathers, who turned to their own daughters for sexual gratification. The way it is going, all fathers will soon be looked suspects, because of a few bad eggs, if these disgusting incidents continue. We must strive to fan the gift of self-control in us into flame.

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If I advocate stringent punishment for this man, some readers will say I am inhuman and archaic. Shouldn’t this man’s offending “equipment” be chopped off to save him from himself. After all, literally translated, Jesus said we should cut off any part of our body that causes us to sin. This abomination is grievous enough to warrant the literal application of that portion of the scripture.

STARING AT BREASTS AND LONGEVITY

It has been on for a while, but it came up again recently. You know longevity and women’s breasts are always areas of interest, so it is not surprising that it is reoccurring. According to some research findings, staring at a woman’s breast can make people live longer. One of the researchers said staring at a woman’s breasts can add four to six years to man’s lifespan.

I am no scientist, so I will not dabble into the veracity of the research findings, but I can talk about the likely implications. People are generally obsessed with longevity, so they will do anything to live longer. Recently, I said on a social media platform that living for a 100 years is serious overtime. I was quickly reminded that “120 years is our (biblical) limit.” Somebody even said that he wanted to live for 150 years. It reflects the mind set of many Nigerians. We just want to live forever; we are not deferred by our life expectancy projection of 55 years.

I feel that because people want to live long, staring at women’s breast will become a fad; handshakes will go beyond the elbow. One of the research findings specifically stated that “staring at women’s naked breast,” but people are going to be staring at the breasts of women they come in contact with, covered or bared. Again, do the naked breasts include those in photos and videos? If so we are about to get new converts to porn addiction. I know we all have our lives to live, but I do not know of any addiction that is good. I was watching Crime and Investigation Channel some time ago; a prominent church member, other members looked up as an epitome of a good father, husband and Christian, was living a double life. His wife found trailer-loads of porn materials in his computer. Out of fear of being exposed he killed his wife. You might say hypocrisy is the proximate cause of the homicide, but we must hold porn addiction responsible as the remote cause.

Men naturally are visually influenced, so if men believe that staring at boobs can prolong their lives, it might have other implications: it can lead to increase in the cases of rape, molestation of minors, incest, which is already rampart, and other sex-related crimes. One of the researchers, probably to shield himself from being accused of promoting sexual immorality, specifically talked about staring at his wife’s boobs at least 10 minutes daily. So what happens to men who do not share the same roof with their wives all the time?

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Certainly, there are more efficacious ways to enhance longevity without putting yourself under unnecessary pressure. These ways are also self-determined, rather than others-determined. They include regular exercises, like walking for about 30 minutes daily. We are also advised to eat more of fruits and vegetables, especially when we are 40 years and above. We need to maintain appropriate bodyweight. We should avoid or stop smoking and drink alcohol in moderation. We should sleep well and be in firm control of our minds to manage stressful and depressing situations effectively. These and other time-tested options are more result-oriented ways to prolong life in my opinion.

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