There might be more well-groomed and good-looking men around these days, but they are outright boring”, says Antonia, a beautician running a very thriving salon in the heart of Lagos.  “I see them here everyday, arrogantly having manicures and trims and forever buying expensive beauty products.

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“Naturally, I’ve dated quite a few customers over the years only to discover that they are not only conceited, they are pathetic lovers to boot!  They are so selfish in bed that the only person they give a good time to is themselves.  Some even get themselves mirrors in their bedrooms so they can watch themselves perform!

“After a while, I’d had it with the good looking sorts – they follow the same script all the time and once in a while, when I’m approached by one of them, I deliberately give them, the cold shoulder just to feel really triumphant watching their cocky smiles disappear!” This was a new one on me and I said that much to Tonia. Every girl’s prayer is to meet Mr. Tall-and-handsome, what changed that for her and what exactly did she want out of a relationship?

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“I started thinking to myself that if handsome men were so vain and conceited that they always pester you to confess to having a non-existent orgasm just to massage their ego, maybe ugly men would be so very grateful at landing an attractive girl that they would give their all to satisfy the girl”, she answered.

“Let’s face it, all women have their share of ugly admirers and when one of such men made a pass at me at a party. I flirted right back, determined to find out if I could be right.  He w3as pleasantly surprised that I showed interest in him. I’d seen him around of course and had marvelled at his ugliness. He was charcoal black with really crooked teeth. He kept referring to my sophisticated looks and how he’d hoped he’d land someone like me.

“I was right.  His love-making, when we finally got round to it, was really fantastic and I thought I had a god thing going. I became cautious when he started turning up more often. He was in love!  That was an angle I hadn’t thought of. Going on discreet dates with an ugly man is one thing, but carrying him around like a priced trophy is rubbing my nice reputation in the mud!  I had to let him go”.

Florence, a 32-year-old medical doctor, was away at a seminar abroad when she teamed up with some course mates. “We would all get together in the evening for a natter”, said Florence, “until I left the men to it and retired to my room. One night, however, there was this discreet knock on my door. I opened it to find this smallish man at my door. He, like me, was from Nigeria and had been really friendly. Reluctantly, I asked him to come in. He wanted to know if I’d had dinner and when I said I was about to send for room service, he took charge. He ordered the most mouth-watering food and a bottle of choice wine and asked the tabs to be put on his bill. He was a director in the company he represented and it was obvious he always liked being in charge. And this was a man I nearly laughed off!

“I was more amazed when I reluctantly allowed him to make love to me a few nights later and I actually had an orgasm!  Hadn’t had that for sometime now. Thinking it was a one-off, I allowed him in again, the next night and the same thing happened!  Needless to say, I was hooked on the man. Not on his looks though, but on his sexual prowess. When we got back home, I resumed my relationship with my partner but still kept going out with the course mate.  Then came the day I made the blunder of going to a show with him only to run into my boyfriend.

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“`Florence’, he called, surprised. I said weakly, `What are you doing here?’ `I think I’m the one who should ask the question, he answered in a sarcastic tone.  `since you were supposed to be seeing your relatives, I came down here with friends to unwind’.

“All the while, he was looking at Luke as if he wanted to throttle him. `Okay, Madam’, Luke said quickly, `I’ll be off now, give my love to your family’. My partner was livid.  He remembered Luke from the course photographs I had brought home. I lied that I got the invitation to the show on my mobile and I thought it would be better than visiting some boring relatives. He asked why I didn’t inform him of my change in plans and I said I didn’t want to disturb him in the office. He didn’t believe me of course and I ha a lot of explaining to do when we got home. What did convince him was my asking him what he thought would attract me to such an ugly man!

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