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‘If after two years he’s not making efforts to marry you, please leave’

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Mr Okon Effiong, a marriage counsellor on Monday said that long courtship may not translate into marriage.


Effiong, also a pastor with the Redeemed Christian Church of God, Karu, Nasarawa State told News Agency of Nigeria (NAN) in Abuja that people should be cautious when in a relationship.

He said that the implications of prolonged courtship could be overemphasised, adding that it might lead to a soured relationship which could also result in breakage as no human being is perfect.

“Minimum of six months or a maximum of two years is enough for serious lovers to know themselves.

“Marriage has to do with faith, understanding your partner should not take years before he proposes, because a change of mind can occur.

“Lovers who stay too long in courtship are not really committed to each other; they have not made up their minds to get married.

“Most courtships that last long does not end up in marriage,” he said.

Meanwhile, some Nigerians who spoke on the issue said that spending years with a lover under the guise of courtship was a waste of valuable time.

They stressed on the advantages and disadvantages of a long courtship, adding that the disadvantages outnumber and females were mostly affected.

Dr. Didier Lemazon, a medical doctor, said that long term courtship could lead to many barriers that could bring about good marriage.

Lemazon said courtship being a significant phase in relationships, should not be overstretched in order to avoid any form of disappointment.

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“Though it is a crucial time that one should not toy with, one has to apply wisdom in order to shun any regret or the stories that touch the heart.

“Sticking with a man that is not interested in settling down for years in the name of courtship to me is stupidity.

“Some ladies are scared of starting afresh that is the main reason why they hold on to a man that is not showing seriousness in a courtship.

“We do hear of courtships that last for years and at the end, there was no marriage, it is a worrisome situation that can cause heartbreak.

“Long term courtship is not good for women, no matter how you look at it, it is women who lose in such scenarios,” he said.

Mrs Rose Ogunde, a housewife and mother of five told NAN that prolong courtship was the perfect opportunity to get to know the person you want to spend the rest of your life with.

“Most people hide their character during courtship but later it manifest after marriage.

“It is necessary to look out for negative behaviours or attitude during courtship because both men and women are guilty of this.

“As for me, long term courtship is not good for women, I will not advise any woman close to me to spend five to seven years with a man under the guise of courtship, that is a waste of time,” she said.

She, however, pointed out that some men used prolong courtship to delay ladies, especially when they were not ready to settle down.

She added that a man that loves a lady would not engage in long term courtship.

Mr Patience James, a stylist was of the opinion that long term courtship was not good for ladies who do not have age on their side.

According to her, some men are good at wasting time, they do not have any plan for their lives rather they will string the lady as long as they wish in the name of courtship.

“A man knows what he wants and how to go for it, he does not need any conversion or decision to go for what he desires.

“A decade of courtship does not guaranty that you will have a successful marriage. If after two years, the man is not making efforts to make you his wife, I advise you to quit.

“Do not allow any man take you for a ride with the unfulfilled promise of marriage, do not tie yourself down,” James said.

Mr Ezekiel Ngojauli, a businessman said if a man does not start the process of marrying a lady within a year or two, it simply means you are dating the wrong man.

Ngojuali said a long courtship strips a woman of her dignity and self-esteem if not heading anywhere.

“Some of these women discourage the real ‘Mr. Right’ while holding on to men who are just stringing them along.

“They keep hoping that time will persuade the man to do the right thing while they keep chasing away other eligible males that are ready and serious of settling down for marriage,” he said. (NAN)


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